Richard: This bear is obviously a neophyte collector of stuffed humans. Had he any experience in the field, he’d know that this Dakin-model “Ron the Raverboy Wannabe” flooded the market in 1995, diminishing the value of every other Dakin favorite, including “Phyllis the Fire-Eating Dyke” and “Ernie and his Espresso Enema.” Perhaps this bear should spend a little less time smoking in bed (note the prominent cigarette burn in the comforter) and a little more time watching Antiques Roadshow.

Heather: Am I blue? Dear god, it’s death by monochrome. I do, however, have to give kudos to the art-by-proxy that occurs here, since the shading between the pillows and duvet and those of the tan lines on his chest and pelvis seem to be perfectly harmonious.

David: Nabokov actually had a name for the male equivalent of a Lolita, and to this day I still can’t find it when I scour the book. Confirming, once again, that it pays to use a highlighter when reading the classics. What I love most here is the tangle of wires, all heaped on the floor. It signals to the subconscious that both the bear and the boy have escaped entrapment and are free to roam and model at will. It’s nothing but blue skies ahead for this duo as the comforter so reassuringly assures.

John: Nabokov called them faunlets, David, fyi.

You just know that out of frame his right foot is wiggling one of those slippers with teddy-bear heads on them. The allusions to childhood, the white purity of the bear, the yielding vulnerability of the neck — it’s enough to make a pedophile weep. The hard dick ain’t bad either.