David: God, those DeMille curtains again. If this is what goes down in their bathroom, imagine the rest of the house. These are the sorta folks who have those gigantic, 3-foot-long, teak fork and knife “art” pieces hanging on their kitchen wall. And their couch, in the living room, is actually the 20-square-feet equivalent of a baby’s play pen — (upholstered in navy blue velour). Lemme outa here.

Richard: Okay, so two problems: (a) Mary’s thong, (b) Mary’s inability to coordinate his pastel undergarments and hand towels into his very bold, patriotic bathroom color scheme. She is so fired.

John: I blame Broadway. I blame showtunes. And given the patriotic theme, I blame ice shows. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting my ass! Start the balloon drop.

We knew drama queens were always creating tedious little “scenes” for themselves; we just didn’t know they were tedious little set designers as well. I’m sure the raised toilet seat means something. Never show a gun in Act One that you’re not going to use by Act Three.