David: When the government of France decided to build a newfangled version of Versailles, (for the new Millennium don’t you know), they called upon interior decorator Phillipe Kikisse — who prefers to work only in the nude. Here we see Mr. Kikisse sitting in a guest room of the newly designed palace, displaying both of his latest wax jobs — the pine floor’s and the aftereffects of that amazing Australian depilatory Nads. Why he’s had Frankensteinian bolts permanently imbedded in his neck remains a mystery that only Jean-Paul Gaultier can explain.

John: Oh, please stop. Are you living inside a wedgewood cup? This queen is too house proud. He doesn’t even think he needs to show off an erection to get a date. Cause those floral “oils” are working overtime, thank you.

Richard: “And here’s our last stop, ladies and gentlemen, the Haunted Hallway of Hedda Hopper. Every night at midnight, if you stand here quietly, you can hear her as she files her nails for the very last time. Chilling, isn’t it? … So, thanks for joining us for Naked Tours of American Homes, which is made possible by contributions to local PBS stations by viewers like you. I’m Corey Feldman. Thank you.”