David: There are fifteen more rocker/recliners crammed into this room. Each one occupied by a full-bodied, naked and erect German guy. They are each swaying back and forth, in time to the “In Fernem Land” aria from Wagner’s Lohengrin.

As a ringleader, Dr. Laura is there, too, perched atop a giant waterbed, wearing nothing but a Victoria’s Secret, bright blue garter belt and clutching a black Kate Spade handbag — which contains the key to the vault of Kierkegaard’s tomb. In her other hand a metronome ticks like a time bomb.

What no one realizes is that the rocking motions of all sixteen chairs keep the globe tilted and spinning on its axis. Should the incessant back and forth motion stop, the world, as we know it, would cease to exist. So forgive them the vomitous blue paint job. And pay homage by shopping at Furniture World (and not Ethan Allen).

Richard: Like the rest of you, I would probably take issue with the red naugahyde chair, the bland blue recliner, the broken miniblinds, and the horrific wall treatment. Unfortunately, I can’t say any of those things because I promised dad I’d be supportive of his new career as an Internet pornstar.

Heather: Well, I guess he isn’t such a lazy boy after all, now is he.