March 20, 2007
Clutter and the Stress of Higher Education
Jackin in Daddy’s Office

Curtis: An impressive array of diplomas and qualifications for such a young lad. Just imagine the work and constant dedication! And the stress of keeping track of all those papers! An endless sea! No wonder he has to relieve some stress. Of course, it could also be stressful to be caught by daddy if this is indeed his office and not actually junior’s. But I wouldn’t insinuate something like that. I’m sure our friend with the log penis and golf balls is just worn ragged from the bureaucracy of the Mensa application process. I bet he’ll work through it.

David: Nothing says “welcome to my world” like a fisheye lens. I’m surprised more amateur porners don’t use them. A fisheye lens is the next best thing to tasting something in the flesh. And can’t you just feel your salivary glands squirting once your eyes stop swirling round the room and land smack dab atop that monster … pile of papers that’s about ready to snap the particle board bookshelf.

The burdened shelves, abandoned paperwork and dated-looking diplomas tell a story. A sad but classic tale. Once there was an accomplished and busy father occupying this office, happily hanging credentials on the wall. But then came the ballooning mortgage, the wife’s accidental pregnancies, the gambling debt and then — finally — junior turning eighteen.

Now dad is relegated to the garage where, like a character from Johnathan Franzen’s The Corrections, he builds things from scrap wood and pees in old mayonnaise jars. Meanwhile junior is working hard to land his first “big contract” and has taken over his father’s lair. Slews of email. Web cam shows. More emails and more fisheye pics. Dreams of Bel Ami and Michael Lucas returning phone calls. The prince becomes a king.

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