David: Like color blindness, there must be a medical term for individuals with an inability to feel the unhinging effects of colliding patterns. This photo depicts, in the most unpleasant way, the fallout from such a malady: One ends up neo-natally white, unconscious, naked and dreaming of floating down the Amazon on a raft covered with imprints of jungle animals as devised by the designers from Linens for Less.

John: Another Venus in another room! Another stretch of pale flesh to give the eye relief from that nasty war breaking out between the bed-coverlet and the wallpaper. Oh Matisse! What ravages have you wrought on gaydom! The duvet, meanwhile, with its cavalry of animals, horses and paislies, obviously knows how to win — to quote Joan Crawford in the Pepsi boardroom — “the hard way.”

And — is that a fucking futon on the floor? Compare the height of the male figure with the wall molding — are they not the same? Guy, you stopped living at the dorm about 15 years ago. Grow up and get a proper bed with a major Bobby Trendy headboard like the rest of us ! At least give us a rip-roaring, good-morning hardon if you’re going to insist on doing that dreary “caught sleeping” thing.