David: Like sand through the hourglass of time: He’s back! Mr. Yuletide Splendor from several months back. And Whoa Nelly — striking a pose that would send Manet into paroxysms of impressionistic ecstasy.
For the discerning eye — still reeling from the former photo’s glut of holiday cheer — a little smidgen of seasonal coloring finds its way into this sun-dappled room. Check out the red and green candy cane holder peeking from the upper left side of the bedroom mantel. Who can ever have enough Christmas — even in June!?
But alas, our moment is destroyed by a fucking appliance — that terrible little air conditioner stuck in the wall like a contractor’s afterthought. It’s always something.
Still, this is one for the annals of Men Embracing Wholeheartedly Their Inner Feminine. And for that I give this two screamingly erect thumbs up.
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
John Calendo is the Executive Editor of Nightcharm, and a life-long Pop Critic @ Large. His work has appeared in Playboy, Blueboy and boy oh boy everything in between.
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Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Steve is a lost sort of man who zones out, easily, into the foreheads of strangers. He keeps a blog of his drawings here.
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I now believe that this man has created his own pictorial calendar, entitled “The Twelve Months of Me”! And then of course there’s the room: frilly white curtains with an equally snowy duvet cover, “pussy”willows on the sill, the pink lamp with matching shade which perfectly coordinates with the color of the stripes of the wallpaper, decorative jars filled with (no doubt) pink condoms and lube, and the matching tissue box on the nightstand for quick cleanups. I’m surprised he hasn’t knitted a pink macrame “cozy” to put over the air conditioner. This guy makes the “Delicate Mr. Nate” look like a Tom of Finland model by comparison. Maybe they should meet
Clearly that’s not a bed that ever gets fucked in. Surely any movements more rigorous than elderly granny’s careful creep into bed each night would cause all those top-heavy decorative objects balanced on the headboard to crash down every which way.
No–if anyone ever had attempted to have sex in that bed, they would have found themselves covered with dried pussywillows, votive candles and a lot of cheap ceramic shit from Walgreens and Hobby Lobby.
Is that granny’s Medic Alert on the nightstand?
Is that a dildo sitting on the edge of granny’s bed, back below the pillows?
I wonder–was the individual who so attentively decorated this room, lovingly putting up wallpaper and curtains and searching out all the garage-sale-worthy decorative items the same individual responsible for doing such a shitty job attempting to seal the gaps around the air conditioner with a spray-can of Dap?
You go through all that trouble to put a room together, but then you can’t bother to take care with a little job like that, leaving stringy globs of spray-foam insulation right there in plain sight?
I think it is worth noting that the decorated object to the right of the Hobby Lobby urn on the windowsill appears to be a crock pot. See the cord snaking its way along the headboard? Curiouser and curiouser.
The smell from all that boiling pot purrrre’ is making a bit unwell. Excuse me while I go un-swallow.