Shawn: This whole piecemeal aesthetic is a literal clash between the sum of its parts. It’s a competition for crass supremacy with the tackiest fixture taking all like a piranha tearing through a koi pond. The plum-hued vase is the least heinous transgression. Far worse is the inspirational print above the bed that’s straight out of a freshman dorm room or a mid-priced rehab center.
The bedside bureau’s way too bibelot for the antiseptic white color scheme and blends with the whole scene about as well as the sore-thumb family (?) photos. The bulwark has got to be the 80’s most deathless holdover: the unicorn chochkie. It’s at least anthracite-black and not rainbow, but still impossible to pull off for anyone who’s not A) female, B) eight as of 1986 and C) forever devoted to Chachi.
The plush periwinkle headboard and burnished bronze-on-chocolate bedspread actually make me a little woozy. I can still see the mind-bending shades with my eyes closed. No decor should produce the same affects as sunspots or an aneurysm. What look is he going for with the fedora and the come-hither stance? Is it Mike Hammer? Usher? And the stuffed animals are shudder-inducing. It’s bad enough that the chimp is dressed in leather wear, but the teddy bear is presenting for a mattress wrangle too disturbing to speculate about. “Show Mr. Ruggles where Scout Master Todd touched you” implications are wolfsbane for a swinging confirmed bachelor pad.
Steve: Unicorn.
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
John Calendo is the Executive Editor of Nightcharm, and a life-long Pop Critic @ Large. His work has appeared in Playboy, Blueboy and boy oh boy everything in between.
Shawn hails from New York and is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Steve is a lost sort of man who zones out, easily, into the foreheads of strangers. He keeps a blog of his drawings here.
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well, at least we know gravity still works.
He’s wearing a wedding ring.
His husband/wife/parole officer needs to be taken to task for everything in this room, starting with the subject.
BAG that industrial olive green carpet….
oh, and i just noticed that whatever that stuffed animal is, it just happens to be face down and ass up.
little disturbing.
Is that a hole in the ass of the teddy bear???
The teddy bear is a tissue dispenser, the tissues dispensed out its ass. Quite handy when the bed-action gets sloppy.
Jesus help me..
He’s right. That is a tissue dispenser! Now I am searching the photo for signs of a donkey that shoots cigarettes out its ass. (Remember those? Spencer Gifts circa 1959 to…….?)
I am drawn to the bureau. Is that real rotary cut plywood graining or irony-upon-irony faux graining to look like rotary cut plywood? The whole thing appears to be a shop project from the rehab center tricked up with a few Home Depot embossed mouldings and the fanciest brass bail pulls available at the local hardware store. The purple plush headboard deserves better company — fruitwood Mediterranean from the thrift store at least.
P.S. I guess you are trying to use the Yiddish word for knick-knacks. In Brooklyn, the true promised land for such things, it is usually spelt with an initial t- to approximate the gutteral sounds of its orgins. The romanized spellings that I am used to seeing are tchotschke or tchotschkie. Hope I am not being too pedantic.
I’ve seen it spelled with the ‘c’ the way it is here too. Guess that’s the WASPy variation.
I’m really praying that’s just a manufacturer’s tag on poor Teddy’s ass and not what else it’s been surmised to be.
Too pedantic? Honey, you left that station when you devised your moniker.
But seriously, I’m just gently pulling your chain. You seem like lots of fun.
Getting back to the bureau….it’s faux. And if it’s faux, it’s gotta go.
okay, so no one is going to mention the purple headboard or the sad bought-at-the-kiosk-in-the-mall picture dangling above it? either way, i’d still suck daddy’s cock.
Okay, I believe I may speak for most of us……
NEXT!!!!
Well whether or not I would suck his cock aside (because I can’t keep pretending I have standards) I think I can pick the social networking site this is from.
An older gent with photos from his glory days of graduation and the unicorn trophy he was given for having the “biggest cock in omega kappa delta” in 1974 is thinking to himself “I’m not that old, I could pull a younger guy, I wear a gold chain, that proves I’m cool”. So he decides to take some new profile shots, and chooses the best room in the house. He positions the leather gorilla to let any would-be prospects know about this kinky side and flips the plush toy on its face so you know he’s a top. Getting a new quilt cover form discount Sheriden bin, show’s taste and putting up a moody photograph from his college days above the bed shows his thoughful and artistic side.
“but what is this gold chain just isn’t selling it to the kids, that I am just as young and cool as they are? I know, I’ll wear a pin stripe hat. All those rappers are wearing them aren’t they”.
Mini make over complete its time to take the shot, put it onto the profile and let the offers roll in.
And that narrows it down to…well any gay social networking site really.
Most people have poor taste when it comes to art and photography. If only there was a way that we could teach the world the basic principles of composition and color and then warn them against the ugly cliche’s of Sears Photo Studio-style portraiture. Maybe then, when at my mother’s or this guy’s house, the framed works on the dresser would be black and whites of babies in bathtubs or oversaturated color closeups of new couples kissing. And enough with 8×10s! Your loved ones deserve to be blown up! Or dramatically shrunken into a tiny face that peeks out of a tiny frame that goes largely unnoticed until you think of him and pick it up and look at it. Enough with bad photos on the dresser.
I’m just curious. When doing a naked Capt Morgan pose, what exactly is the thought process behind someone saying, “Oh wait a minute. Let me put on my Fedora.”
And yet another one of those shiny bed spreads where the trick slides right off and onto the floor. Well, you have to give her some props for finding a vase to match the headboard.
I like the purple padded headboard, comes in real handy to prevent “road rash” from appearing on the forehead…