Steve: Welcome to my humble beachfront property. I’d introduce you to my beagle, Miss Sarah, but she’s been sleeping since Wednesday. We keep things pretty quiet around here. Mostly we like to tell the first part of jokes we remember, or sometimes we compare similar objects and make Jell-o.
Did you notice my monster plant? Oooh! Scary, right? A monster! I think it’s good to keep people on their toes. Got to stay sharp.
What about a game of Uno?
File Under:Living Room Wreckage
11 Responses to 'Mr. Hodges Absolutely Normal Paradise'
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Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Steve is a lost sort of man who zones out, easily, into the foreheads of strangers. He keeps a blog of his drawings here.
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Sweet Lord, that couch is hideous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And throw pillows to boot. Then the pastel pic in the background………….Papa can you hear me? Papa can you help me not be frightened…………………
Hell no, ’cause I am SCARED to death.
What? No mention of the Divine Miss Boop throw and matching statue by the mirror?
Nah, I’ll forgive him everything for the sake of his dog who is his harshest critic yet still loves him.
The gaygaygay bit of glass on the counter looks suspiciously like one of those faux-lachrymatories they sell to Goth-ettes over in the French Quarter. But the house doesn’t look very New Orleans-esque (except for the monster plant), and he doesn’t look especially Goth, so I’m guessing our man Harold picked it up on vacation. I like to imagine him curled up on that sofa on a Saturday night, weeping silently into the bottle, pondering the sad and tragic life of his heroine, Betty Boo. Is that weird?
Richard, your fantasy is pretty much spot-on except that ‘Betty Boo’ is an early 90’s pop/dance act and the woman in question is ‘Betty Boop’ — I think.
I expect Chris Hansen to come around the corner any second now.
Um, are you implying that Betty Boo is somehow unworthy of hero worship? ‘Cause she’s doin’ the do. And verily, Steve, there’s nothing you can do.
Sweet Mother of God! This picture truly frightens me. The poor dog isn’t asleep, he was the final exam in the taxidermy-at-home course this guy took after seeing the original “Psycho” for the 57th time. You don’t want to know what he has in the basement, but it’s the reason Clarice and the rest of the F.B.I. are ready to come busting through the door.
Long ago, he had a lesbian roommate named Mona and then a lover by the name of Dr. Jon Fielding. Jon was a gynecologist and dumped him, once, after he witnessed him dancing in an underwear contest at The Endup. That plant was a gift from his former landlady, a transexual who goes by Mrs. M. He’s a nurseyman, and has kept the thing alive, with his green thumb, for nearly 30 years. It’s been a long time since his underwear contest days but he still goes to the baths in Berkley whenever he feels lonely. His beagle, Babycakes, has been with him since his second husband, Thack, moved away to Chicago and their poodle, Harry, went along with him. Lately, he’s been staying home cruising the Bay Area Craigslist for other guys who enjoy the three Betty’s: Boop, Davis and Midler. Just last week, he met a nice fella from North Beach…
Clearly, this is a Doublewide located in the heart of Boca Raton’s 3rd hottest retirement community genteelly known as the Maximum Security Twilight Golden-Sunset Dreamers Raisin Ranch. Basil, here, still trusts the wooden veneer panelling and his ability to suck in his gut will lead him to some “Afternoon Delight”.
He looks like an insane Bill Blass. Same eyes - same build. Can’t imagine Mr. Blass in a house like this - but maybe he likes to play dirty on vacation sometimes.