David: I’ve warned about this problem on several different occasions. It’s imperative with hardwood flooring (or in this case fake, “laminate,” flooring) that molding is applied to all of the areas where floor meets wall. Otherwise the job looks incomplete and extremely foolish — a bad reflection on the homeowner. Also, I’m not a fan of oriental rugs in kitchens. There’s something gauche about the combination, also creating a poor reflection on the owner’s taste. It’s simply amazing what interior design choices reveal about an individual’s overall sense of style — or lack thereof. Wouldn’t you say?

Steve: "Oh, what? Sorry, I was just working on some things down here. No, it’s alright — come on down. None of this is technically ready to be viewed yet, but I think you can see where it’s going. It’s all about nature and confinement. But the thing is… I can’t find a good way to work in more than just six of seven of these hats, and my iguana escaped from her terrarium last night. She’s here someplace. Bessie! Bessie! Come back!"
 

David: Regulars to Lurid Digs know that I’m an advocate for the Less Is More school. Especially for younger gay men who haven’t been properly interiorly trained. Their approach to room design is usually very “kitchen sink.” Sundry Xboxes, Gramma’s hand-me-down cushions, wall poster mayhem and heaps of dirty laundry scattered across the floor like mini continents that never shift. In a word, dire.

But this fellow garners points for keeping things sparse, spacious and very Zen. The Jack Nicholson moment from The Shining, placed directly over the bed like a talisman, is retro hip and lets us know that he’s not only a film buff but, also, quite possibly insane. This cinematic emblem is a thoughtful touch and could, possibly, alert future hookups to reconsider the evening and exit the room post-haste.

REDRUM! REDRUM!

Richard: Here at Lurid Digs, we’re not what you’d call “political”. I mean, we think PETA is fine, as long as it’s warm and served with a hearty side of baba ghanoush.

So this may seem a departure from our typically detached, snarky stance, but we simply cannot sit idly by while average Joes and G. I. Janes are forced to live in squalor due to the economic policies of the current administration.

We know it’s hard, people, but please, look at this image. This middle-class hero — we’ll call him Joe for consistency’s sake — labored day and night at Bear Stearns to fund his retirement in Boca Raton. But as you can see, thanks to the mortgage/housing collapse, the oil crisis, and a soaring US trade deficit — not to mention certain financial difficulties being endured by his former employer — Joe has been forced into a retirement home on the outskirts of Terre Haute.

Far worse, the floors above and below him are clearly occupied by black holes, which have not only been shown to cause cancer and artificial tanning in lab rats, but they also keep Joe’s sports accoutrements in a constant state of flux, being drawn toward event horizons looming just a few feet in either direction. Even our subject is beginning to feel the pull. Yet he valiantly struggles on, hoping for a better tomorrow.

If we don’t fix this problem now, the retirement of Dennis Hopper and his Boomer cohorts may be one of the biggest crises our nation has ever faced. Are we ready for that? Speak out, people! No to short-sighted tax incentives! No to black holes!
 

Steve: This serene, gallery-quality forest print on pressed fiberboard has started to warp and ripple. The humidity level of this environment is TOO HIGH for the proper care of art. This print must be moved to an environment of lower humidity immediately if the remaining value is to be preserved. Art is something that must be treasured, like a fine fur.

David: I know I’m supposed to analyze the interior design elements here but this fucker is wearing my high school ring, the very ring I “lost” at an East LA tarot reading parlor back in 1982. Goddamn it!