Steve: This is a little routine I like to do whenever I’m showing a unit, I mean, apartment. You can see that we’ve "staged" it for you — that means we’ve placed some items in here to help you visualize what it’ll be like when you live here. Just the basics. It’s a framework for your imagination. These things won’t be here when you move in. Especially not the designer chairs. Those were expensive.
David: Proof that gay men can be as bland as they wanna be. The palette of this room alone is enough to keep the blind happy with their fate. But it’s the chairs. The chairs. THE CHAIRS that commit the gravest travesty. Where does someone even find objects like this? The laws of gravity seem to be topsy turvy here, where a pyramid of pillows look to be collapsing the seat towards the earth’s core. I image the sinking chair seat phenomenon intensifying to the point where a gigantic inter-dimension sinkhole is created, sucking everything through a spatial, intergalactic worm hole. Away, banished. Forever.
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
John Calendo is the Executive Editor of Nightcharm, and a life-long Pop Critic @ Large. His work has appeared in Playboy, Blueboy and boy oh boy everything in between.
Shawn hails from New York and is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Steve is a lost sort of man who zones out, easily, into the foreheads of strangers. He keeps a blog of his drawings here.
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Good thing he isn’t wearing seersucker. He’d disappear into the wallpaper.
I have to give him props for how clean everything appears. Even those cheap, boring pillows are clean.
At first I though he must sit on those to support his buttocks when they are sore. Then I realized they were way to clean for that. He took this picture just before friends came over to hang out in the “entertainment” room. In his hurry he forgot to move the pillows.
The speaker in front of the door? I’d be pissed if I had to move that sucker every time I wanted to close the door to watch porn.
Nice hat though. Hot.
I’m having trouble reconciling the presence of the motorcycle boots with the podiatrist’s waiting room decor. Perhaps this was snapped on a whim as he waited for a friend to have his bunions removed?
Perhaps HE is the podiatrist……
Ahh yes….I remember Anthony. He called my clothing optional dental office saying he had a cavity that desperately needed filling. When I buzzed him into the waiting room, he was only wearing boots, the camo hat and the smell of gasoline and cheap beer. Anthony became aroused during the dental exam. The pillows on the chair are for pillow biters but Anthony didn’t need them. Anthony had 2 cavities that needed filling that day!! I had snapped this photo between fillings!
I think I just saw Mariette Hartley in that hallway, walking toward a walk-in safe.
Now the hat, strictly speaking, isn’t part of the decor. And yet, it creates a strong contrast against the Chess King dressing room wallpaper and contributes to the green story of which the (admittedly painful) chairs play the lead. Mixing blues and greens can be a challenge. Plus, you must give the hat credit as an accessory: the very jauntiness of the gesture says, “Consider yourself…at home. Consider yourself…part of the family.” It is, unfortunately, part of the Value City family.
David is onto something in questioning the laws of gravity. Why aren’t those gravity boots near the speaker, first worn by Richard Gere in the 1980 film American Gigolo? That film also made great use of under-decorated environments: the statement—which is echoed here—“I am what you want me to be.” While the hat promises adventure, the promise is bought … just another advertising gimmick.
Am I calling this guy a professional escort? No. But if you left a fat tip on top of the speaker I bet he would just look at it with that face that matches this interior, shrug his shoulders, and “pocket it” (I’m assuming there are clothes somewhere). Anyone who poses (I refuse to say “lives” because I think Steve might be right as well) in an interior this bland is not a generous soul and will never think about “your needs.”
P.S., m&m and Lambchop, thumbs up!
i dig this dig for some reason.
tex?
i donno — i suspect he is heterosexual.
Seriously?
All I can think of is:
“One singular sensation…”
Gee, thanks Oh_My_Dog, now I’m gonna have that image and that song with me for the next couple of hours. THANKS!
yup….on the chairs
Camo-man got bored of waiting for his grandfather in the waiting room of the retirement village and decided that he would have some fun with the new camera on his mobile phone…one thing led to another…
10 seconds from now Nurse Bromhilda will walk in and it will be the first time she’s seen an erect penis in the retirement village.
“A Chorus Line” in camo?! At what Survivalist Camp?
The chairs really do dominate here but really only because there’s so little else to see. (In any other room it they would simply serve as one more eyesore amidst the detritus.) It also seems like a bachelor on the cheap trying to make lemonade out of lemons by smacking two ugly thrift store chairs together and calling it a sofa. (Fine unless you’re caught sitting on the unstable hump. So to speak.)
Like Charles, I’m also put off by the speaker-as-doorstop solution (again - a red flag of The Inveterate Bachelor) as well as the ugly K-Mart pillows but those touches along with the camo hat, the chunky motorcycle boots AND the absolute lack of anything else just give me the creeps. There’s something vaguely Dahmer-esque about the whole scenario. (Or Gein-esque, take your pick.) Simply trying to picture the ensemble that goes with the hat and the boots leaves me a little woozy but when you combine all of that with the poker-faced stare and the oddly insouciant tip of the hat, I want to run screaming. Like so many of the images here, it almost makes me wonder less about the the subject himself than it does about kind of men who actually accept these “invitations.” If you know what I mean.
Okay, here’s a question for the editor: Do you ever get an email from the subject of a photo featured here? Do these guys get indignant about it or are they good sports?
Just wonderin’
Sorry girls, I’ve been stuck in Key West for Gay Pride this past week. But it is good to know that Tex still has a longing for the exotic. Just kidding Tex.
He could be a breeder but I think he bought those chairs a my grandmother’s estate auction. He outbid me by $10. Oh well, at least I got the matching couch!!
If his wife ever found out that he was posing nude on those homosexual hookup sites–AND in the camo hat that she gave him for their 10 year anniversary…
It would spell DIVORCE.
Not to mention, it would confirm what she’d secretly suspected, what her nagging depressed sister has been hinting at for 10 years and what his hunting buddies already know.
“Mornin’, ma’am.” What a shame when men won’t even take their hats off inside. What is the world coming to? Kids. You know I love ‘em!