Steve: The astute Southerner knows that minimal effort is needed to maintain a dazzling garden. The trick — the thing to remember, is that nobody looks at the plants.
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How am I supposed to critique the decor in this photo. Okay, that was my first reaction. Here we go: Hire Manuel the gardener to come in and clear out the dead plants. Then plant some tall colorful annuals around the gazing ball’s pedestal. Take those tacky, plastic corkscrews out of the tree. I hate those things. Finally get rid of that garden gnome; it is entirely too tall and will frighten the neighbors and small children.
Now, that’s scary – the ball is reflecting the maze from ‘The Shining’.
Anyone else see it??
This is what will happen to a Scrotum if one leaves your cock ring on too tight and too long.
That is gonna HURT in the morning.
I keep thinking this is like something from a live-action episode of “The Simpsons.”
“Ooops, Marge, I got locked outside again…Oh no, where’d my robe go?”
Wow. I would totally do that guy. Seriously, he’s kinda hot. I like his deer-in-the-headlights expression. Very sexy! I wonder if he looks like that because of the camera flash or if its a reaction to the state of his garden? At least his decor matches… blue ball… blue swirly thing… red swirly thing. Blue & red go together, right? Yeah, I’d do him.
I always thought that gazing balls were so cool and sophisticated. I clearly know very little about exterior design. (Although, surely, they’re not supposed to be mounted on a cement pillar? Aren’t they originally Victorian?)
Here we are, behind the scenes of The Nantucket Nude Theater Troop’s “No-Dress” rehearsal of “The Wizard of OZ!” Very exciting!
Let’s listen in…shall we??…..
Director; OK HANK, remember….
Your character Dorothy is very frightened. She’s trapped in the Witch’s castle, she’s away from her friends and family…. And she’s about to be made into Flying Monkey Chow as soon as that egg timer’s done.
So dig deep, let’s try that scene again, wipe that smirk off your face and this time — make me BELIEVE that you really see your Auntie Em in that crystal ball.
Flying Monkey’s off stage! ENOUGH with the off color hand gestures flown in Hank’s direction! This is a pivotal moment in the play and you’re not helping! Let’s all show a little support for our leading lady Hank here! Stop fucking around!
Ok…..everybody….. settle……
Ha! The blank pleasure in his face is priceless; as if posing naked in front of that ball was the best idea he ever had. You can see he is already writing in his head the caption for the mass email Christmas card.
In it’s own way, it’s quite cute and somewhat clever.
But not that cute.
The over sized Twizzlers on the tree are just hideous.
Fairies at the bottom of the garden, or bottoms at the garden of the fairies? Who can say?
Obviously, simply telling people he had a wicked case of blue balls wasn’t enough for this dude. He needed to find a lawn ornament that really drove the point home. And he found one. Huzzah & Kudos.
And you’re so right, rear_window. I’ve seldom seen a headier mixture of glee and pride (unless you count Ben Affleck the day before “Gigli” opened).
Gnomes? Flying Monkeys? Where are you guys getting these things? Certainly not from the photograph.
The gazing ball, being a Victorian garden feature, allowed one to sit and see around the area at the same time. The Victorian garden tended to be full of various plants in full growth.
So, who knows what the Victorians would think of the spirals hanging from the tree. Most certainly, however, they would have approved of the nude gardener. Totally natural whether sporting a large root or a small sprout, he fits right into the garden theme.
I’d like to see more.
…and with a sinking heart, lady chatterly realized that some things are better left to the imagination.
Lurid digs Indeed. Thanks for pointing out those are “twislers” hanging from the tree, I thought they were anal beads. when are you going to start taking submissions from readers?
There are few things as erotic as finding a hot hunk naked in the great outdoors.
This does not even come close
He better not come close to me. In all senses of the word.
ouch, Jimbo! ha ha. I had to actually look up Gigli and found that the various clips for this film on You Tube is a venting ground for people who felt betrayed by Hollywood. And it’s true that Affleck wears only two expressions throughout, the one above and a tired (aka sad, confused, and all the other non-happy emotions) version of the one above.
the ballcap: ubiquitous. ditto the blue ball thingy and tree bling. There is no single thing in the picture that’s found only in the south, yet the whole composition just SCREAMS south! Especially his “well golly!” expression
i think this is the brother that larry the cable guy doesn’t talk about.
He had forgotten that the house had previously been occupied by some sort of weird cult, which is why he was able to buy it for such a low price. He cleaned up the bloodstains in the bathroom without a thought. He hung the spiral thingies in the tree, thinking they would complement the gazing ball. However, that’s not a gazing ball. It’s a spherical interdimensional portal. Five minutes before this photo was taken he figured that out, and naturally couldn’t resist the temptation to stick his dick in it. He thought it was some sort of cosmic glory hole, and while yes, right now his dick is being caressed most arousingly, it IS being caressed by Shub-Niggurath and the whole situation will end most hideously. The house will be on the market again next month.
Shub-Niggurath?
Oh, goodness! There’s a trip down memory lane.
What an eclectic group we are.
And grudgingly (as I am from Kentucky), I must agree that this just screams out, “Y’all come back now, y’hear?”
Portal to a glory hole? Maybe there’s a droid on the other side?
“…..droid at the gloryhole,
shoo, fly shoo!”
(I couldn’t resist the callback. I do stand-up)
Yeeeeeeeeeeeha!
I feel sorry for the neighbors who might have been looking out their window when this pic was being taken.
Shub-Niggurath and glory holes. That’s why I love this site.
Sir:
Thank you for enclosing the picture of the area needing landscaping and/or manscaping. However, in this particular case, my firm would not be able to do work that would be required to bring it up to our usual standards.
Thank you again for contact us.
Sincerely,
Frederick Law Olmsted
File under: gays that prowl for outdoor sex.
Outdoor sex is a seasonal activity unless you live close to the equator. Blue ball(s) are quite distracting to grasping the attraction of the male. But, his goal is to get you outside the bed room and enjoy nature for what its’ worth. I wouldn’t doubt that he was offer a hit of acid and suggest that tonight is when the radical fairies come out to play. Suggestion: Bring the last batch of pot brownies with you – it’s a long night of bonding.
Check for full moon!
Oh gosh oh golly gee…Shub-Niggurath? And the Black Goat of the woods with a thousand young? THAT Sub-Niggurath?
Ia! Ia!
Cthulu would be mortified to see this picture in reference to Shub. That’s just giving the ol’ Niggurath a bad name…..
Somewhere under all this thick brush and spare car parts, garden gnomes cower in the fetal position with the toppled pink flamingos.
Where can I buy one of those garden gnomes? This one is a must have!