Shawn: There’s something of a Land That Time Forgot approach to decor going on here. So many eras are existing simultaneously in peaceful unison that it’s hard to know where to begin. Greek Neoclassical sculpture, Egyptian bric-a-brac, Renaissance murals, Victorian furnishing, and a Sony Bravia home theater — it’s as if Father Time himself started dabbling in interior design and overreached with the epoch-straddling. Rod Taylor’s parlor from The Time Machine is the closest approximation I can think of. Sure, the Eloi will just die for the periwinkle color scheme, but how the satin dining furniture will fare when those gauche Morlocks stop by for brunch is a gamble.
Richard: I warned you people about Europe. It’s a dangerous place, I said. Insidious. But you wouldn’t listen. You went anyway — to Paris, to Zurich, to Florence. And by the time you came back, you couldn’t drink American coffee anymore; you had to have “espresso”, clearly forgetting that there’s an “x” in there somewhere. You threw out your Mr. Coffee and your La-Z-Boy, and the next time I came by — when you invited me over for “aperitivo” — this is what I saw. “Nice lamp”, I said. “Oh, that’s a reproduction of the reading lamps in the Bibliothèque nationale de France.” “And the poster?” “That giclee is taken from the Uffizi”, you sniffed. And so on. Not only does Europe make you snooty-mctootie, but it also makes normally sane people put rugs on top of carpet.
On the upside, I love how the lamp and the centurion and that weird wall thing in the back conspire to make dude’s ass look like it’s got gravitational pull.
Jimbo: One wall in Shaker blue, another in aubergine; furniture in black lacquered wood and upholstered in white and lavender satin; a sprawling array of Italianate tourist art; candles, a chandelier AND two lamps, one of them a Tiffany knock off in turquoise, black & white… And all in a space which can’t be bigger than 12×12!
I didn’t know the Cosa Nostra still ran funeral parlors in Brooklyn!
But every such family always seems to have a crazy cousin Louie who they leave in charge of the place, don’t they?
Alla Famiglia!
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
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Who would’ve guessed Vin Diesel’s decorating style would be so pretentious?
I am deeply disturbed by the gargantuan size if this mans ass in proportion to his legs and body… The room? I think my eyes are bleeding…. It looks like Cher’s decorator from 1994 clearly hasn’t been getting very good jobs lately.
Wow.
It’s beyond periwinkle. It’s beyond dusty plum.
It’s simply beyond.
Wow.
i’ll get to the room later. is it just me or does this guy look like a raptor?
OK, I tried. Really, really tried. I took a long walk and ate broccoli and envisioned kittens. But it’s futile. I’m haunted by that HUMONGOUS ass. There’s only one explanation, and it’s called “Give Me the Biggest Butt Implants Available.” Thanks, I needed to get that off my chest.
Like the Baroque in general, this could use some editing, although some restraint was applied to pare the range of furniture finishes down to black and silver. But could a trip abroad be solely responsible for this ample display of a taste for the Rubenesque? Perhaps. As Martin Short once said, “How European of you–or whatever the hell country you’re from!”
Some little boys want to be astronauts, some little boys want to be cops, some little boys want to be President of the United States of America, some little boys want to be interior designers, and a few very special little boys want nothing more than to be Docents at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And you need no more proof that it is indeed a cruel universe than when those little boys are thwarted in that aspiration by also being given a laughably disproportionate butt that disqualifies them from the vetting process right off the bat. But one little boy decided to have the last laugh, and after recreating the hallowed precincts of the Met in his own suburban condo subjects unwary visitors (”Hello? Domino’s! I’ve got your large pizza with pepperoni and sausage!”) to tours at gunpoint.
Please keep up. We’re moving on to the Flemish Renaissance (pronounced “re-NAY-sawnce”) in the boudoir.
Most disturbing is that ass is watching the NBA. Chicago Bulls.
I didn’t know the Cosa Nostra still ran funeral parlors in Brooklyn!
But every such family always seems to have a crazy cousin Louie who they leave in charge of the place, don’t they?
Alla Famiglia!
HA HA HA HA HA HA !!! OH. MY. FUGGIN. GAWD. That’s funny!!!
PS: My boyfriend sez dat guy needs more lamps in that corner of the room.
Puce. There I said it. I see the color Puce on the walls. God help him and his lady-humps.
Eric is right. You’re looking at a raptor.
A raptor who, five minutes before the shutter snapped, pulled everything you see out of his ass. Literally.
He’s probably headed next to the kitchen to unload the rest of that junk in his trunk.
guys … the ass is a joke: a Photoshop trick (you’ll notice that even the wall behind him and all the objects near his ass also follow the curve).
My take is the person who manipulated the photo was trying to better match the habitant with his scarily comical environment. But it’s overkill; the sunglasses inside a room where none of the lamps are lit is enough.
If you ever find yourself in this place with a pantless host, do everything you can to act like you LOVE it. Make him think you have found your true home, then say, “Oh my god, do you have a Richard, I would die for a Richard!” While he is in the kitchen getting ice cubes, don’t go to the front door … it will be locked. Sneak into a back bedroom, try not to scream when you see the canopy bed with restraints and an oder of decay, go out the window (break it if you have to) and run down the fire escape.
so much for the stereotype that all gay men have amazing taste. this place looks like ‘night at the museum 3: when the biltmore attacks.’
susan sontag be damned, camp is organic to a piece. if you try to reach it via an external aesthetic, you end up with kitsch. this, my friends, is an excruciating case in point.
if he did this on purpose, not even tex should do him.
there aren’t enough invisible quotation marks in the world to make this room intentionally amusing. someone write a note explaining to raptordaddy that one can edit and rotate one’s objets without ending up all Lesbian Minimalist. then attach the note to a rock and send it through that fake gothic window post-haste.
Aside from the photoshopped ass, this room is a problem; it shows the perils of trying to buy all your home decor from museum gift shops.
Garry: total win!
Ok I am concerned about the religious Madonna with and without child theme on the back wall. The candles on a faux altar, the white chair, and then the faux stained glass (?)do not create homoerotic urges for me. Of course neither does the photoshopped ass of the rapidly aging Vin Diesel.
I don’t think he’s read Edith Wharton’s “The Decoration of Houses”.
Don’t Wanna Bump No More With No Big Fat Women…..
Jeeez… You could do a place setting for 4 on the ledge of this guy’s butt.
Unfortunately, the view would ruin your appetite.
Definitely photoshopped, even the purple (puce? dusty plum?) wall bends behind the lamp…
But the bigger concern is why? WHY would someone need to make it seem like they have THAT much junk in their trunk when CLEARLY all their junk is in their living room???
i was gonna try to make a junk/trunk/bunker pun and work in ‘rectory’ and ’subterannean’ but it was too much effort for too little reward.
I hate it when people who have a large wall space and instead of putting one big painting or something on it, put a lot of little fussy things like all those picture tiles hanging by strings and the hideous cathedral window thingy. Why such a desperate attempt at chic and leave a water stain in the ceiling? How do you even walk through this room and not stub your toe at least twice each time?
On second observation, I see what you are all calling a Photoshop® manipulation. However, with an ass-based object that large, perhaps the gravity field warped the space/time continuum and you are observing either the birth of a new star, or the word being sucked into his powerful BLACK HOLE. Sound the alarms.
now they’ll know where to look for amelia erhart. and her plane. and the spruce goose, jimmy hoffa, pia zadora’s career and the lost continents of mu and lemuria.
Makes one wonder if he was trying to attract a big-ass fetishist…although whoever shows up is bound to be disappointed.
The problem is, the ass bit is symptomatic of the room. This guy just doesn’t know when enough is enough. The room is overdecorated in the same way that the ass is overmagnified.
J.Lo remixed with gregorian chanting,”
i’m chanting as we speak”
I have no story for this one
I’m speechless – and for me that is saying something
bless his heart
All this room needs are some Faberge Eggs.Thank God the Hermitage was closed! Actually It looks like he shops at Smithsonian online-which I do too,but with alot more restraint.
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LUIS.
Buddy…..NO…YOU DI-UNT. Don’t you bring up the blessed Hermitage in relation to THIS place.
The room made me nervous, the butt made me ill. Uh, nice face?
Someone’s a sports fan.
Yes, it’s… frightening!
But, dear American friends, no wonder: For over a century, first through your gentry (sometimes richer than enlightened in matters of taste or art), then the middle class when the it acceded to international tourism, you have made a distorted, “abâtardie”, standardized European styles that eludes analysis. Too many hotels furnished false Hepplewhite, lounges “LOUIS-something” damning, Italian design reviewed low-grade. Bad taste prevails also in Europe now: neither Britain nor Italy, nor France is immune. And the worst is yet to come: the international style already despicable, our Chinese friends are likely to digest and in turn return more despicable yet. Patience …
My apologies Nash. In no way does this guy have the shopping instincts of Marjorie Merriweather Post-thus the lack of Eggs,or any taste. This modern day vandal looks like he’s just sacked the Vatican-or rather It’s gift shop.
@Buddy: But there IS a Faberge egg! Well, a “Faberge” egg. It’s cowering in shame between the “Tiffany” lamp and dude’s “natural” ass. Classy!
Hmmm….the only thing I see there looks like some Egyptian figure wearing a Nemes. To be sure would require clicking on zoom-and I sure as hell don’t wanna see this guys ass any larger! I’ll take your word for It.For all the work that went Into this modern day version of Fred Sanfords living room,you’d think they’d have faux grained that ceiling beam-hey,speakimg of ceiling-Is this a trailer???
That is indeed a Faberge egg, looking freshly laid. Unlike this guy.
What did his ass eat?
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Guys, please! Try to forget about the ass, and enjoy your meal in this utterly über cool dinning room. Another slice anyone?
I guess he decided to answer the question “what you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside yo trunk?” with “I’m going put it all over my living/dining room.”
Dude’s ass apparently has the power to bend the very fabric of the space-time continuum as his “black hole” threatens to consume every object in the room.
ibid, Allentownboy.
“It puts the lotion on it’s skin, or it gets the hose again…”
Maybe he’s a new villain for SuperDaddy to fight…we can call him GravitAss. His butt warps gravity and the very fabric of space/time, meaning his sphincter is the gate to dimensions unknown….
The large trunk in the room really catches the light.
‘Mom! I’m busy down here! Sheesh…’
Wait! That’s not Photoshop……
He farted and everything in its wake just kinda melted a little.
Or, Uri Geller’s in there and practicing on stuff bigger than silverware.
As far as the decor: If you put your ear close to one of the paintings, you can almost hear the Blessed Infant say to His Mother, “MA! Is it my imagination or did the scary dude’s ass just get bigger?”
Her reply: ” JESUS!”
jesus himself had a rather big butt. it says so in the bible.
‘and christ tied his ass to a pole and walked 40 miles into the desert.’
@ eric:
Oh, OK.
I always thought that scripture was referring to Our Lord’s not-very-nice boyfriend de jour.
I’d do almost anything to get this big ass off the screen.
Please!!!! SOMEBODY listen to me!!!!
Oh, please God, a new picture I beg you. That ass is sucking all the memory out of my laptop.
Callipygian…..NOT
The Room that Time Forgot?
I think this may be the Website that the Owners Forgot. 14 days and no new pic posted? That’s not like you guys…
I am taking his fag card away IMMEDIATELY! This interior nightmare is causing mega sensory overload. The colors, the design, the furnishings, the chachkies are just TOO much.
It’s like a puce cover drag queen exploded in this room.
The most disturbing thing is the misguided addition of a Tiffany Lamp to the mid-evilness of it all. It’s like trac lighting in a tee-pee!
so i’m completely head over heals in love with shawn
never knew that a saline-injectioned butt looks so great
I never would have thought that someone who had that kind of interior design aesthetic would also be watching an NBA game. Uh…go Bulls?
Yes Grandfather, the colours do make your butt look big.
I was wondering what happened to Bowzer of Sha Na Na
Say what y’all will but I find something strangely Sistine Chapel-ish about this room. I only wish that the Interior Desecrator of this Pavillion of God’s Blue Period had not put the Statue of David in the middle of the room as it has obviously aged beyond recognition ala Dorian Gray’s portrait.