Richard: For your edification, ladies and gentlemen: a glimpse of life after the nuclear holocaust. No mohawked Tina Turner walks among us. No be-togaed Farrah Fawcett-Majors waits to do our hair and nails (or whatever girlfriend was doing in Logan’s Run besides launching her career). The party people are dead and gone, and we’re left to wallow alone in beige caverns of sadness. Sure, we have remembrances — like family photos from happier times (though that could just as easily be a still from Ciao, Manhattan dangling on the wall). We have curtains that halfheartedly try to remind us what a world of green was like, but they’re much too sad for the job. We shield ourselves from the radioactive misery with layers of shiny Hardee’s burger wrappers, but even the teddy bears can’t stand it any longer: see how Pooh has hurled himself from the doorknob where he hung by his purple underpants? If this isn’t enough to convince Kim Jong-Il to cool his nuclear jets, I don’t know what is.
Tom: The room looks like it should be on wheels.
File Under:Living Room Wreckage
35 Responses to 'Beyond the Deadening Calm of Radioactive Misery'
Leave a Reply
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
- "A" for Effort
- Bathroom Abominations
- Bedroom Terrors
- Beyond Horrifying
- Calvacade of Calamities
- Closet Catastrophes
- Curb Upheaval
- Dens From Hell
- Dining Room Don'ts
- Floral Attack
- For the hell of it
- Fucked Up Foyers
- Haunted Hallways
- Hot Anyway
- Kitchen Kitsch
- Living Room Wreckage
- Loopy Lighting
- Must Haves
- News
- Something Different
- Suffocating Sofas
- Violations of Space
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- Jake Cruise
- MALEFLIX
- Military Classified
- Men at Play
- Sean Cody
- Bi Curious
- Three Pillows
- Boy's First Time
- Nightcharm: Naked Men & Gay Porn Fun
- Dainty Bastard
- G Day
- Gay Sex Magic eCards
- Gayest Ever
- Gideonse Bible
- He Said He Did
- It’s Not You, It’s Me
- Lord Arthur
- Mean Dirty Pirate
- My Cat Threw Up on my Ferragamos
- Put ‘em All on an Island
- Queer Bites
- STARFUCKER
- Wayne’s Nude Musicians
- Yuppie Punk
© 2010 Nightcharm Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of this site may be reproduced without the writen permission of the owner.
State the obvious:
The couch is nasty and I wouldn’t sit on it either.
Yes, we can see your penis.
Please, go to a thrift store and get some new stuff. Anything.
Good God! What sexual atrocities have occured on that couch? The Marquis de Sade pukes in disgust.
If you answer this Man Hunt ad, it’s better have one focus and one focus only – since he’s doing his best to cover the tragic decor. Nothing matches, all color combos are painful to the eyes, he’s trying to woo you into the premise and you can see why all windows are colored or covered.
He’s f*ckin hot as hell…. but the surroundings would definitely keep me at bay… That couch is quite frightening, and while I know that paneling has had a somewhat recent resurgence, this is not what the folks at Wallpaper Magazine were envisioning. I do hope he has found a nice place to park his trailer, with monthly fees that do not exceed the value of his home.
See! Anissa Jones from “Family Affair” didn’t die from a drug overdose….
She had a sex change, changed her name to Bud Beasley, got the only decent penis construction know in the history of surgical procedures (Legend has it, his peepee-ectomy was modeled after Brian Keith’s..yowza) and moved to Cleveland, Ohio.
Those are Mrs Beasley’s panties on the doorknob. Poor Teddy Ruxpin is exhausted. That Beasley Bitch is a sex pig. She’s on the phone ordering pizza.
That’s not a couch he’s sitting on. That’s Sebastian Cabot’s right leg. He’s not dead, either. Just naked. And A LOT bigger.
Bud is Bisexual. He and uber-bear Cabot are lovers. Bud couldn’t help but fall madly in love when he discovered the real reason the classically trained actor was named “Mr French.”
Even the cheapest flea bag motels in the deepest south wouldn’t look this nightmarish. What would we see if brought in a black light? (shudders)
The only way this guy is “hot” is his feverish state due to late-term syphilis, no doubt contracted from the couch.
Ick-Poo-Yuck!
Oh what I wouldn’t give for a pink chenille bedspread to use as a throw cover for that couch right about now.
for the love of god, man, just because you call yourself a bear doesn’t mean your home should look like a cave!
a few suggestions: try 2 or 3 coats of whitewash on the wall. tear down the drapes & use them to cover the couch. google ‘pecky cypress faux finish.’ damn tony for beating me to the suggestion about borrowing the bedspread. read up on swedish victorian….
Good thing the remote is handy, he’s going to need it. Sadly this will likely remain an onanistic tableau. Bear, teddy bear. I get it. Now enough with the stuffed animals, I can’t take it any more!
I quite like it….now, where to find a couch like that?
You can find a couch like that at any municipal landfill.
I have to commend his diligence and sense of style…making over your room to look like a godawful midwestern cheap motel room, of the sort frequented by toothless whores and drug dealers named Slim, speaks of a remarkable sense of camp. He even went so far as to duplicate the drapes and the hideous, moldy, disease-carrying couches of said cheap motel rooms. I can’t help but wonder why he’s not sitting, but hovering above the sofa cushions…has he forgotten that he’s not on a godawful midwestern cheap motel room and that’s not a hideous, moldy, disease-carrying couch?
I agree completely with 24gotham and everything he said.
I imagine this is what porn stars would see if they could see you on the other side of the television.
Did he submit this picture himself?
Who’s hiding behind the curtain?
what’s behind the curtain? the guy from the previous picture. they’re an item now.
I find slipcovers distasteful, but in this case we’ll make an exception. Just many stains on that couch to not make me feel queasy. And then again, what is that reddish hue on the cushion where is sphinxter is hovering over?
WOOF! Have slip cover,will travel. Who needs a couch! If he’s willing to host,I dont mind standing.What that paneling needs are the palms of his hands up against It.
This room is clearly a low-budget film set, designed to go up or be taken down in 30 seconds between scenes. Like everything from the 1990s, the movie is about teenagers or 20-somethings who live in their parents’ basements and talk about grunge music and babes. This guy is deceptively young; he’s actually only 26. And if you tore down that 8-pound wall behind him, you’d find a trailer in a gravel parking lot, palm trees and a glistening blue sky. I can feel the California sun!
Not even a bevy of bedbugs could survive on that couch. It is basically a petri dish and is microbiologist’s dream.
Imagine if Rambo’s refrigerator of doom (from two posts ago)was placed next to this couch. (shudder)
This looks like the probable lair of Jeffrey Dahmer.
I just found this site and my God, what horror hath homos wrought?! I was born and raised in NYC, and taught from an early age by gay and straight alike that gay men were put on this earth to make things stylish and elegant, or at the very least, pretty. This tenet has been more or less born out by my countless(yes dear, Mother has been around that long) trysts in tasteful or at least innocuous apartments. I now see that I really do live in a protective bubble and will petition the City authorities to dynamite the bridges that connect us to the rest of the nation on the continental United States.
Jeffrey Dahmer’s lair? I think not.
I’d probably give that appellation to our “Erotic ROTC Ranger” of two posts ago. At least there’s a fridge in that shot. (Don’t forget, Dahmer believed in cold storage……)
Now, having said all that…..
I’m laying odds (since I can’t lay him personally) that Eric is going to win the coveted Editor’s Choice Comment.
But I’m not telling which of our prolific friend’s musings will be awarded.
Eric, I swear we’ve met. On a cruise ship.
Cheers!
Oh LORD! How bad is the view outside if both windows are covering it up? When this tableau is the one you CHOOSE to see? Time to shed some light on the subject, hon.
This scene reminds me of the living room set I was forced to see in a HS Play of a friend’s kid in some godawful flyover state in the midwest. The play was “Heaven Can Wait”, and boy do I believe that statement more than ever. This room is more like one of Dante’s Circles of Hell.
OK, I have gotten out my bitchy quotient for the day.
i wonder if the picture by the curtain is of the outside of the place, or if it’s his wishwall fantasy of where he hopes to live someday.
jeffy–
much as i like to imagine that any boat i’m on is a cruise ship (and any truck i’m in is a pickup), i’ve haven’t been on the water since i was about 17. not telling you how long ago that was, but i wil lhint that it was probably about the time that the scotchgard on the couch above gave up.
i wonder if the picture by the curtain is of the outside of the place, or if it’s his wishwall fantasy of where he hopes to live someday.
jeffy–
much as i like to imagine that any boat i’m on is a cruise ship (and any truck i’m in is a pickup), i’ve haven’t been on the water since i was about 17. not telling you how long ago that was, but i will hint that it was probably about the time that the scotchgard on the couch above gave up.
I think Dash should win the award this week. Brilliant, darling. Those are the musings of a truly twisted mind. And I thought I was the only one who was ‘on’ to Mr. French… Bravo!
The room looks like it should be on wheels.
Tom,
Agreed. And headed straight to hell.
Why Captian Chuck, how you talk!
And uh, you’ve been on Mr French? Sexually? Or did you wait ’till the first snow so you could sled down?
I suddenly have a picture of Mr French’s Rosebud in my mind and I wanna throw up a little……
Does CraftMatic make an adjustable sofa?! That poor thing is almost completely horizontal! God only knows what he’s subjected it to that got it that way. (Probably a whole lot of what he’s already doing in that picture!) It looks like there used to be a pattern on the upholstery, too (unless, God Help Us, those are skid marks – a distinct possibility). And the sofa isn’t even the saddest thing in the room! That prize goes to the lame, simulated stained-glass insert in the dinged-up, jail-house door with the pointless wood-grain finish. So rich in pathos and irony that it actually draws the eye away from the horrifying one-size-fits-all paneling and the snot-green, faux-damask drapes. How you could do ANYTHING in that room, let alone jerk-off, without bursting into tears is beyond me.
you close your eyes and think about winterthur.
Tom, you are correct. That’s the inside of a trailer. An older one, probably single-wide. I’m going to be looking at all my neighbors real close tomorrow.
Our boy in the picture is hot indeed, but even HE refuses to put his ass on that dingy sofa. Potential tricks, heed the warning because it’s very clear.
I’ll confess, I don’t care what the room looks- he is totally my type and I would drag him home with me for a lesson in interior design because I would have designs on his interior.