Richard: I’ll be honest: at first glance, this pic made me a little misty, a little nostalgic. The plywood/pressboard paneling; the six-inch shelving brackets (price stickers still attached); the beer steins, proudly displayed; the D&D-friendly crystal ball and other head shop paraphernalia; the turntable stereo (complete with cassettes; I’m guessing a Rush/Foreigner blend); the spindle chair; and most importantly, the giant empty bottle of the world’s nastiest substance, Galliano: this assortment of old-skool oddities could only mean one thing — we have traveled back in time. I assumed that this was a heretofore unknown photo of my hot, cooze-hound cousin, Kenneth, sitting in his unfinished attic, which he’d converted to a man-cave decades before any of us knew what a man-cave was. But then I looked to the left … fridge packs. Fucking fridge packs. There are no vintage fridge packs, y’all. This photo was taken, like, yesterday. Maybe the day before yesterday, but that’s it. This is not my cousin Kenneth. This is not his unfinished attic that always smelled vaguely of weed and brake fluid and cum rags. This is some Kenneth wannabe. So, nice job, faux-Kenneth: you got me. You totally got me. I hope you won’t mind me saying you got an awful lot of wood there, with one notable exception.
My: I … I really don’t understand this. I’m not American, so maybe I’ve missed some kind of cultural cue here but where I come from we only use chip-board for scaffolding and boxes and stuff. Seeing it used as a wall-treatment has all the disorientating effect of a punch in the gut.
It’s like… It’s like the most disturbing-ever remake of I Dream of Jeannie — we’re looking inside a packing crate to see a tiny little man sitting in state among his miniature possessions. That’s my rationalization and I’m sticking to it.
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Is that a varsity jacket hanging from the back of his chair?
I figure this is just his fallout shelter; as our model just shed his clothing full of new-q-lure detritus and left it outside for safety. Sadly he did absorb a touch of radiation below the belt, but that may grow back with time. And speaking of radiation, he smartly set up a DeLongi® gradient heater to keep warm during the coming nuclear winter.
He will be safely nourished for years to come by his cartons of preserved canned liquids. His body, too will be safely preserved by the constant out-gassing of formaldehyde from his OSB constructed lair.
The Galliano bottle will be used to store his urine, for no other reason except that it completely resembles the previous contents of said bottle.
And that Stereo? How to keep entertained for the next decade as the earth above dissipates the toxic cloud. Duly noted is the lair’s power source
is a solar panel, hence the upward running wire.
And shelf full of Tchockies? Twas just a simple storage area for when the shelter as not in use.
I like this space. It holds only the essentials. Design is limited to placement of said essentials. Paint is not needed. It is only used to preserve. Our host is comfortable in his surroundings which is a big plus. This space is mac and cheese to the soul.
Particle Board, Particle Board,
Particle Board hates Tongue-and-Groove Board.
They have a fight: Particle wins.
Particle Board.
Is this a long-lost bunker on that island in “Lost”?
Yes, ladies and Gentlemen! It’s the Amazing Chameleon Man! Watch his skin change color to match the ugliest walls ever almost constructed…
Right before your eyes!
It’s bad enough to like Mountain Dew enough to pose nekid with it. Worse yet to plan a room around it’s never-seen-in-nature color.
And that’s a crystal ball up there? Damn. For a moment I thought this guy had some promise.
At first glance I thought he had a collection of Patti Labelle’s old wigs.
@Jimbo: I think you may be the first person in Lurid Digs history (a) to write a musical ode to one of our photos, and (b) to do so by referencing They Might Be Giants. If we gave out prizes, you’d be up for one. But we don’t so, you know, just shake your head, dahling, and revel in the glory.
Jed Rees was never quite the same after Galaxy Quest came and went….
If he only he spent as much time decorating his walls as he spent man-scaping his balls.
I haven’t seen a Galliano bottle used as a decorative item in years, probably decades. And then, they were usually displayed in Italian snack bars and Mom&Pop restaurants. Anybody remember the liquer bottle with the 4 foot corkscrew neck? I always wondered what people used the empties for. I had my suspicions.
It’s like… It’s like the most disturbing-ever remake of “I Dream of Jeannie” – we’re looking inside a packing crate to see a tiny little man sitting in state among his miniature possessions. That’s my rationalization and I’m sticking to it.
This particle bunker is simply a tragic reminder of what happens when a Lesbian is stuck in a Gay man’s body.
How proud he is of his manhood. It sorta sinks into the surroundings though, fades away to nothing against the clash. Is that a baby’s high chair next to him?
This is my space and by damn I don’t care who likes it…
I feel sorry for the poor buddy – it’s the only space that he can be himself and what is wrong with that? – one day with a gallon of blue paint he will make his domain supreme, flag blue with glow stars…
the Galliano bottle was left over from a Harvey Wallbanger party his dad had in the early seventies and that was the first time that he got a little high making them for the guests…
Next time honey – pump that pee pee up a bit before you snap, call me and I’ll help you paint
Enough with the lesbian-bashing already! You boys are just gonna have to accept that nobody but a card-carrying penis-owner can fuck up a room as thoroughly and dramatically as this or any other of the dozens of eye-gouging horrors collected on the site. Sure, lesbians can do bland. They can do beige or ecru or dusky pink. They can overuse doilies and buy nasty floral drapes and crochet ther own couch covers. But this… this abomination is just beyond even the most butch, hairy, hundred-footer bulldyke ever to munch rug. Face it – when it comes to lurid digs, the gays take the ugly-ass cake.
Though I will accept the hypothesis that this is a female-to-male transexual who is seriously overdoing it on the testosterone supplements.
wow, she’s the fourth-plainest lesbian i’ve ever seen.
There has got to be a hole in the space time continuum here. Looking to the right of the picture then quickly looking back at the fridge packs on the left will leave your eyes hurting and your head spinning. This has to be one of those makeshift rooms built in one side of a two car or three car garage. I’ll bet on the other side of that wall is a minivan or some other family vehicle. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a sign on the door that said “Men Only, Girls Go Away”…When asked by the female in his life what he is doing in his room, he gets defensive, says “None of your business, Its manly things being done in a manly way, STAY OUT!”, then stomps off to his room, disrobes and sits in his chair surrounded by all the things that remind him of his glory days because he can dammit. His stereo from his bedroom in High School, his Franklin Mint knock off dragons, (or maybe they are the real thing the lighting is so bad), His Barstool from his college dorm room, I am sure there is a black light poster of a marijuana plant in the room, and he watches football or some other sport he sucked at on a small television which is on top of the credenza just almost out of sight to the right of the picture. What we really have here is a proud straight male in it’s natural environment. No proper homosexual would have a stereo like that or be within 50 feet of that bottle of Galliano…sorry I just threw up in my mouth a little.
what do you do when you love someone but don’t like them?
it is obvious that this man lives upstairs in the previous picture, but down here is where he truly capital-L Lives.
here in the Shave Cave there is no chevre, no men’s foundation garments, no danish modern, no competitions to see who can sustain trochaic hexameter the longest, no 9-pound dogs, no raspberry balfuckingsamic vinaigrette.
there is also no irony.
as soon as the panelling goes up, the evocation will be complete. he’ll be back in the rumpus room, the room where he learned what ‘rump us’ can mean. he’ll remember a time when all he wanted was to work at ray’s sinclair station and play fastpitch on the weekend.
in a little while he’ll get up, check the I-bolts on the sling and saddlesoap the bullwhip. but for now he chugs a mountain dew, sings ‘don’t spy on me, barbra streisand, the truth is i never liked you’ to himself, belches, laughs and is gloriously and totally Alive.
@Jimbo: thats the funniest comment i’ve ever read on here!!!!! still laughing my ass off…
Whew, thank God he has some Mountain Dew, in his mountain of sodas, to wash the Galliano down! Although, I think that is a heater in front of the Galiano bottle—-bring your own ice bucket! Oh, and wet naps, I’m sure there is a bucket of hot wings in there somewhere!!!! What a sad little guy—-and the man it’s attached to as well!!! Almost as sad as the guy in the pop up trailer who looked like Bill Murray!!
Hey, there’s a hook up!
Note, please, that there are three different flavors of carbonated beverage fridge packs. I see that our man is prepared to entertain, come the nuke-u-ler winter. And while the radiation settles, he’s engaged in regrowing the Pancho Villa mustache he had to shave off for his cousin’s wedding(that bitch Devina … who died and left her queen of the universe?). Come on in, little lady. How’d you like to peel off that hazmat suit and go for a moustache ride?
what strikes me is how neat & orderly everything is. this guy is clearly a sucker for spatial arrangement and is knowledgeable about making a greater impact with the proper placement of his accessories. note the way he’s stacked his soda pop cases with the 2 sky blue pepsi cases forming a focal point and the other brands/colors bringing the eye inward. check out the lone vintage bud light can set just so in order to bring it into greater focus. i’m pretty sure he dusts his bibelot on a regular basis.
nope, this guy is all about bringing all the elements together into one black hole.
this is what a serial killer’s house looks like BEFORE the police fire bomb it.
@alguien…
I cannot believe his stacking is orderly and neat when, heaven forbid he stacked his fridge-packs without even making sure all labels are forward and facing up. I nearly fainted.
Hell, we had that very same pressboard/plywood/chipboard crap on the entire 30 foot wall of our family room……complete with red hanging lamps and a red plastic window that let in a nice glow of red into the room. We were nothing but stylin’…..in 1970, that is.
Harvey Wallbanger called – he wants his Galliano back.
“Fond of things Italiano?
Try a sip of Galliano!”
… At least now I know where to forward my junk emails…
i dare you to check and see if the bottle has lube on it.
And this is why I hate shaved pubes…because all too often they involve a place like this.
the stereo behind him looks like one that plays 8 tracks.
It rubs the lotion on it’s skin, or else it gets the hose again.
GREAT BLOG AND PICS! KEEP IT UP! YOUR BLOG IS ON MY LIST OF FAVORITE BLOGS!
GREAT BLOG AND PICS! KEEP IT UP! YOUR BLOG IS ON MY LIST OF FAVORITE BLOGS!
UGH! It’s like the funky smell of his mancave is permeating through my laptop. I can smell it from here.