David K.: I’m bothered by the Panda motif that adorns this bedroom. The cluster of stuffed toy Pandas atop the bookshelf and more alarming, the central Panda wall hanging. (Is that a blanket or a mock tapestry — or both!?) The link between Panda bears and China is undeniable. And so I must ask: Is this, as Glenn Beck points out — now that he wears an art critic’s cap atop his monstrous meat head, another example of subversive art, the very sort of art that is gaining a foothold in our country? More advocacy for the communist path that Obama is leading us down? I shudder to think. I really do.
Richard: Something about this photo makes me want to belt a tune, but all that comes to mind is “O Panda Bear” — sung to “O Canada”, of course. Maybe that’s because the room looks like it belongs in a basement or a root cellar or someplace else that’d be warm and cozy on long, Canadian winter nights. Take a look: it all adds up. Lively afghan = snuggly! Blackout curtain (probably just another afghan) = mancave! Wood paneling = cocoa at the alpine ski lodge! Vast assortment of fur = wig closet! (Oh, like you don’t have one.) I’m overcome by the urge to curl up in a ball, bring the metabolic rate to a screeching halt, and live off my own body fat until the icepack melts. Or possibly enjoy a York Peppermint Pattie.
Matter of fact, I’m guessing that “Today’s Tom Sawyer” here takes a few long winter’s naps himself, right on this very bed. Which would explain the need for three dreamcatchers.
File Under:Bedroom Terrors
44 Responses to 'Comfy Root Cellar or Communist Lair? You Decide.'
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David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
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There is no accounting for taste. This occupant seems to like everything within arms reach. Everything. I’d suggest a few baskets for storing the everything. There are items in this photo that make me want to look away. I don’t want to know. I’m not in the least bit curious. These could be placed in nice baskets. I like baskets.
Here’s a mind bender. How many pandas do you see in the photo. Count only the ones you can see and not the ones you suspect to be out of view.
I like the bold masculine stripes on the bed cover. Look around the edges, you’ll see it. And it goes well with the window covering oddly enough. Given our occupants fear of movement, we could hire someone to turn the panda window treatment into a real window treatment. Maybe he could stay on the bed while this is happening. Duh.
lump lump, the alopecia panda, adapted quickly to his new habitat….
Did you know that Pandas aren’t really bears? That’s just a misconception, like those “vitamins” in the bottle on the night stand will make his dick grow. The more you know.
The thing that concerns me most is the big yellow crayola looking item next to the stuffed pandas. My eyes are watering at the very thought of what that might be used for !
is it just me or does the striped bedspread make him look a little fat? he should lay the bedspread vertically so the stripes make him look taller and thinner. c’mon this is basic fashion sense 101 !
oh, and as a bear-o-phile, i have to correct you stevieB… pandas are indeed real bears. if there’s one thing i know… it’s bears! woof
Is he missing a finger?
Dream catchers… I shudder to think what the dreams might be. And Carlos, I don’t think that he’s missing a finger, but he does seem to have an extra thumb…
I like baskets as well, Nashbear. Just not this guy’s basket.
Either he is a panda brought to life by his fairy princes or a child care professional in Butte,Montana either way, honey, listen to Nashbear get baskets and ORGANIZE de-clutter get rid of that floral valance take make your color choices from that bed cover you crocheted. I do not mind your lamp but for god’s sakes keep the shade straight.
Dennis, I was thinking Pandas move slowly and eat a lot. Is that correct?
Maybe as a floral accent we should include some eucalyptus branches.
You know, for a chub, this guys got a nice complexion.
Something tells me we’re back in Trailer Territory again. The visibly flimsy laminate paneling. The room that’s almost too small for that bed. That bed that’s almost too small for its occupant… Even that little cluster of pandas is struggling for dominance with that disturbingly Freudian crayon thing. Space is at a premium in a way that one seldom sees outside of a double-wide.
Otherwise, it looks for all the world like we’re in the room of a tween shut-in. We’ve got his kleenex and medication at the ready, the indulged childish obsession with panda bears, the plethora of paperbacks, the heavy blankets… The only thing missing is a poster of Zac Efron which, I have no doubt, is on the opposite wall where he can gaze at it just before he drops off into his antihistamine-induced sleep every night. And, is it just me or does it almost seem as though he’s trying to mimic the pose of the panda in the curtains above his head, for some unfathomable reason? He isn’t doing too bad a job of it, either! God only knows how long he’s been lying there like that.
The whole thing should come together as a kind of quirky, offbeat melange but instead it just creeps me out. Maybe it’s the dark, ironically panda-esque circles under his eyes but it’s a little too “Silence of the Lambs” for my blood.
If those dreamcatchers could talk…
I just imagine how itchy that wool afghan must be. He isn’t missing a finger, that is his Class Ring. However, I think he is missing a penis.
It alwayz KILLS me that there are piles of books, DVDs and videos (??!!) in the background of a lot of these shots with titles that are unreadable…..
Regardless of his choice in media, be it the written word or visuals…..
I’m thinking Animal Planet, anything associated with the “High School Musical” brand ( @ Jimbo: Just one Efron poster???? I suggest there’s at least one collage he whipped up incorporating his passion for big hairy beasts with his love of slim, hairless young men…..), anything associated with the original “Saved By The Bell” series (for the same reason…… sans shots of big, hairy Mr Belding) and I’m hoping for some old “School House Rock” videos in there, somewhere……
If he slips on some pants and slips in a video of “Conjunction Junction” – I’m so there…
I’m also thinking the Big-Plastic-Yellow-Pencil-Holding-Crayon serves a duel purpose: He hides his poppers and his glue sticks ( for his next Pollack-esque Panda/Pubescent/Paper creation!) in there…
… as well as using the container itself for other fun-time activities…
Big, Yellow Crayon….. what’s your function?
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? (Forgive me, I just couldn’t resist. I’ve been in a very strange mood lately. Well, stranger than usual.)
lump lump prefers bamboo, nashy. his imaginary husbear, paul the koala, eats eucalyptus.
i’m never a big fan of prominently displayed family photos, especially on faux tapestries.
David K: I think this IS Glenn Beck!
The first time I saw this picture I simply logged off of my computer. It was too much to take in. The things that really bother/haunt me:
1. That damn Panda family tapestry is covering the main window of his bedroom in The Double Wide (good catch Jimbo).
2. His class ring is glowing red, just like his demonic eyes.
So this is either Glenn Beck, or the son of Satan, or both.
@Ericthewriter…thanks. I stand corrected. Bamboo it is. That said, how about introducing some bamboo into the window treatment. Get rid of the mini blinds.
Yes, folks, the big yellow crayon was one of the things I was not wanting to look at. A might too personal don’t you think? I guess that brings up the question…What is TOO personal to present in a public area?
a tisket, a takset, a tiny tiny basket…
actually, I don’t think those a dream catchers as much as they are dream trappers, for it looks as if someone doesn’t get out in the sun much at all. If you love something, dream it, trap it, and don’t let it go.
I spy three dream catchers and a bottle of Vikadin………………seems logical somehow.
I know we’re supposed to chat about the interior rather than the occupant, but I’d just like to go on record as a being fan of our host. Despite his obvious sleep disorder, I think he and his beefy thighs are downright adorable.
damn, we’re 22 posts in and no one has said ‘dip him in flour and aim for the wet spot’ yet.
I do hope that’s a florescent bulb I believe I see in the lamp. I mean, it’s the year 2009…..we’re GREEN now, for god’s sake.
HEY GUYS
FRIENDLY REMINDER: The pics on Lurid Digs are here for interior design (or lack thereof) analysis. We will start removing posts that attack the homeowner/room dweller.
Thanks,
David
attacking him? i thought we were celebrating his uniqueness.
i got out my magnifying glass, and the videos on the shelf are ‘on golden panda,’ ‘the last american panda,’ ’smokey and the panda,’ ‘the best panda whorehouse in texas,’ ‘oklapanda!’ and ‘remembrance of things panda.’
anybody wanna guess about the books in the bedside table?
I like how either the bed is lower on one side or else the panda wall hanging that’s blocking most of the natural light is crooked. It gives a faint topsy-turvy impression! Perhaps a sly reference to the way the bad guy’s headquarters on the Bat-Man television show was always on a slope. (I never understood that until I realized that in my first apartment in NYC, I was walking uphill when I headed for the bathroom.)
Is that Ralphie May?
Perhaps.
He acknowledges his Texas roots with a dream-catcher. And yet, he goes beyond his comfort zone and welcomes the ubiquitous Panda into the mix.
@ eric..
Good idea! I put in my magnifying glass eye and the books are: An Encyclopedia of Pandamic Diseases, 200 Greatest Pandadowdy Recipes, Turn Your Life into Positive Pandamonium, The World IS Black and White and the thin book is an in instructional manual on how to crochet.
Why is he holding his dick like an earthworm he just found under his bed??
look again, dashy. you missed ‘the panda who fell from grace with the sea,’ ‘a clean, well-lighted panda,’ ‘panda on a hot tin roof,’ ‘the long hot panda,’ ‘lady chatterly’s panda’ and ‘the elctric panda acid test.’
someone stop me, please. i could do this all day.
I think we can all admit that the pandas are pretty darn distracting. Here a panda, there a panda, everywhere a frickin panda. Fascinating and a source of infinite hilarity. But if you’ll just bear with me for a moment (I’ll say three Hail Marys for that one) I think it would be a worthwhile exercise to look beyond the overwhelming panda-ness of it all. Because when you subtract every single one of those big furry evolutionary throwbacks, you come to realise that the room is actually…
…still incredibly fugly. Remove the gruesome tapestry/wall-hanging thing and you’re left with what looks like tacky white plastic venetian blinds. Ignore our fuzzy friends on the shelves and you’ve still got ugly, dark, mismatched wood treatments. That woolly striped blanket in alternating shades of blood and bland? Gak. But where the pandas really do a public service in distracting the eye and preserving the sanity is definitely that lamp. Look at it. Just look at it and then tell me that if the room was full of anything less attention-grabbing than pandas that y’all wouldn’t have swooped in on that lamp like a flock of horrified gay vultures. It’s easy to understand why our design challenged friend surrounds himself with dreamcatchers, if I had to live with that thing I’d be waking up screaming too.
Can someone please explain to me why the bed isn’t a least centered on the panda tapesty thing? It’s really driving me mad.
And finally eric… “The Greatest Panda Ever Told”, “I’m Panda. You’re Panda”, “The Panda Mystique” and “Everything You Wanted To Know About Panda But Were Afraid To Ask.”
Between the two of us, I don’t think there is such a thing.
i can’t believe we didn’t mention ‘panda without a cause,’ ‘the panda and i,’ ‘west side panda’ and, last but not least, ‘panda 2: electric boogaloo.’
The Giant Panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca, literally meaning “cat-foot black-and-white”) is a mammal native to central-western and south western China. The Giant Panda is a member of the Ursidae (bear) family. It is easily recognized by its large, distinctive black patches around the eyes, over the ears, and across its round body. Though belonging to the order Carnivora, the Giant Panda has a diet which is 99% bamboo. The Giant Panda may eat other foods such as honey, eggs, fish, yams, shrub leaves, oranges, and bananas when available.
yeah, i thought that was a box of chocolate-coated grubs on the bedside table.
” I feel furry. Oh so furry! I feel furry and flabby and fine!
And I’ll sit here, on my fat humongous ass and dine!”
(la la la la la -la la la – la LA!)
Panda Script: To all Lurid Dig administrators/moderators: Don’t yell at me. I’m singing about the panda’s . Honest.)
Later in the movie:
“A bear like THAT- would eat your bamboo. He’ll plop right down and eat, and then poo. He’ll eat your bamboo! All of your bamboo!”
I don’t mind paneling, but that stuff…I dunno. But paneling and wood furniture don’t mix. Either keep the paneling and get a brass bed and painted shelves, or keep the wood furniture and paint the walls.
At any rate, ditch the pandas. Any kind of collection like that screams “arrested development” and while it may work with the right guy (see: Superdaddy), the rest of the time it’s just creepy. Dream catchers are kitsch, plain and simple, but they do go with the tacky tapestry. Nonetheless, they all go.
Organization is needed, obviously. But I can live with the red sheets and I think the afghan looks rather charming, although it may be a bit smelly.
OMG- I just realized that at the top of the hanging is a combination dream catcher/ wind chime. I guess that when a dream wafting in the breeze is caught, the chime tinkles, beckoning one to come recover the dream. Brilliant! though I shudder to think of what kind of breeze might be wafting in this room… Surely the inventor must be spending his time on his own private Carribean island, squandering his earnings from this, and his other even more famous invention: Dash’s magnifying glass eye. For the extremely frustrated and chronically disappointed size queen in us all!
Might I suggest a simple upgrade to this daylight basement apartment that would make it “the bomb”, as in shelter: Bamboo paneling instead of this faux whatever. Paneling could then be used as food source during weeks 20-22.
Are those videotapes on the bookshelf? Who has videotapes anymore?
Those ripples on the bedspread make me think it’s a waterbed.
Those things on the wall are “nightmare catchers” cause this place creeps me out.
angle of this shot…we need runway lights
I for one am moved by this gentleman’s clear homage to endangered species. The entire room is a metaphore. We have the endangered panda in various media, the endangered American Indian represented by replica “dream-catchers” made in China, and if I’m not mistaken, endangered Mexican swamp-cedar paneling on the walls (to cover both flora and fauna on the list). Who says one’s boning-boudoir can’t be socially conscious and funtional?
Whatever you do, DON’T call our boy a cub. I’ll bet his online screen name is “Pandaboy4u”. What we have here is a young, ummmm, ‘panda’ that has yet to seek out his own tree in which to call home. The full-size bed and his high school class ring (Class of 1992, thank you very much) is proof of that. The yellow Crayon piggy bank jumps out at me and his love of dream catchers and black and white endangered animals native to China is heart warming.
While at first glance, one assumes that the Kleenex are close by for those ’special moments’ alone (as we seem to be privy to, judging by the timing of this photo), the reality is, he uses them to dry his tears at night.
I can’t help but hold my breath for this panda–simply because I’m willing to bet moments after the flash went off, his mother burst into his bedroom.