Shawn: There’s a schism of self happening here, as if a Lost Boy were fumbling toward maturity without quite being able to leave callow youth behind him. The burnished wood bureau, dresser, and nightstand are noble attempts — with the sore-thumb amassment of all manner of clocks insinuating a latent fixation on the inexorable passage of time — but they’re undone by the more puerile elements. The head-to-toe A&F duds (really, the male variation of Forever 21) are ten years outdated on anyone. Then there’s the mall art, whose tableau of colors have the eerie effect of spilling forth into reality and onto the too-pillowy bed. Teddy bears and various poppets have developed into such instant shorthand for interior calamity here on Lurid Digs that by now they’re spoken of in the same manner that bed-wetting is for serial killers. Natch, no Wonderland is complete without its resident Jabberwock menace, here embodied in the shape of the window-adjacent Triffid — docked for the meantime but still ever-bent on escaping its captivity at the opportune moment when its keeper’s back is turned after forgetting its yearly sting-pruning.
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
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It looks like he bought the entire bedroom vignette at the Levitz going out of business sale, and he borrowed (stole) the outfit from his nephew who lives in Fresno.
I think I know what’s going on here.
Look at the subject’s “wide stance”. Now look at all the objects that surround him. The room is literally shrinking around him. (Either that or the furnishings, controlled by “Plushies of the Corn”, are moving in on him)
He’s making once last valiant effort to stop the inevitable. Surrounded by clocks, he’s reminded every moment, at every angle, of his own mortality.
It’s ‘Crombie’s Last Stand
It’s a hotel room! Seriously, look at that furniture, that art, the wall treatment, the fake plant. Even those shades. It’s a hotel room. Or else he modeled this room on a hotel suite he stayed in, maybe Columbia SC or something like that. The basic bones of this just scream, scream, SCREAM “hotel room.” Of course, it’s a hotel room he’s stayed in for far too long, given the overabundance of clocks and stuffed animals. Is he parlaying his “temporary” stay into a years-long residency? Or did some hotel close and was it turned into efficiencies, furniture and all?
Of course, the clocks are trying to remind Jed here that it’s time to move on. Time to move out of the hotel and into a place with real character and personality, and into clothes that aren’t from A&F. Really, those are too young for him and just look dumb. Someone call “What Not To Wear” to give him a makeover while we do over this room…
If you wear A&F, it brings back your youth! Old man with Teddy Bears. One should be very scared.
It’s a furniture showroom!! He’s dressed to look like the boy he wants and is using the showroom to model how he might appear in the unlikely event he ever got one home.
Honestly, the lighting is awfully professional, and the image quality is disturbingly sharp for a non-staged picture….dunno….looking a bit like a shill photo to me.
Question: Why wold any grown man fill his bedroom with stuffed toys? What terrible thing happened as a child?
The decor reminds me of some hideous “nice” motel from 10 years ago.
How could you even get a hard on in there?
OH HELL NO!!! That room is just hideous. David Bromstad needs to give that room a color splash!
I….ummm….well it is just that….what the hell is….I mean good lord….how could anyone….I give up.
What Shawn said.
P.S.
All those teddy bears are creepy….I mean really creepy….is that another teddy bear rolled up and trapped in his shorts pointing to his right?
the bare bones of the room tell it all – not bad for beige and cream but
WTF is he thinking
What Shawn said 2
Thought bubble of the teddy in the striped sweater: OK. Enough! Trading outfits was a bad idea. Let’s switch back. Now!
Thought bubble of big-teddy-head-next-to-sweater teddy: Less is more! Less is more! Baby Jesus, PLEASE let this be a bad decor dream. I’m going to count to three, open my eyes and I’ll see clean lines, more surface space and less clutter.
Thought bubble of Snuggle-esque bear, way in the back: Queen?! How many clocks does one room need?
Thought bubble of over-it Basset Hound: If I have to listen to Madonna’s “Vogue” ONE MORE TIME, somebody’s gonna get hurt.
gay karma’s a bitch, jeffy. i told you this would happen if you spelled ‘boy’ with an ‘i’ and kept using ‘collectible’ as a noun.
I really can’t think of much to say. Other than the obvious that he needs someone with a firm hand to come in and edit the glut of accessories. I did like the “Day of the Triffids” reference.
I’ll say what everyone is thinking. He’s not nekid! Where’s the cock, balls, ass, or lack thereof? That’s what makes this site so funny! Otherwise, I could be looking at my moms living room…
You know that manager (or worse – middle-manager) in Corporate America who’s always making everybody absolutely, pointlessly miserable? Who hovers over your shoulder picking your work apart, who fairly vibrates with manic, negative energy and chronic halitosis, who wastes your time peppering you with useless emails and doling out dozens of fools errands every day, who seems to relish humiliating staff members publicly, even (and perhaps especially) in front of clients (!!), who takes complete credit for anything his team accomplishes but never lets them forget a failure yet is never seen doing any actual work of his own? You know that guy?
Well this is what his bedroom looks like. Every time. Right down to the “Where the Wild Things Are” tree.
This is what comes of not hugging your children, people!!
Jo Frost, it’s not to late! There’s gotta be a Naughty Corner in that room somewhere!
Okay – this isn’t really a bedroom. This has to be a corner display in my local Kirkland’s – right? No one seriously has this much crap crowding their bedroom – you can’t walk or sleep with all this going on. Lost Boy here jumped up on the bed in his new A&F clothes (that he wore out of the store next door) to turn on his young boyfriend – who laughed and snapped this pic when LB was asked to please refrain from laying on the merchandise. Of courese he did decide to purchase a teddy and a clock because until that moment he had no idea how fabulous they look together.
Looks like someone’s life clock (embedded in their right palm) just started to blink red. Unfortunately this occurred while shopping at the Labor Day sale at Marlow’s furniture store in Rockville, MD. Some mean friend snapped the picture at the moment it happened.
Time for Carousel. RENEW! RENEW!
I think we all see that this is not a ‘real’ room but a furniture company display room. And it has some nice stuff in it. The Aladdin style lamps, the side table, chest on chest, the little bear thingie under the lamp, the bed and bedding. Throw everything else out. You’d have a nice room if it weren’t in a furniture store. Whose undies do you think are in the bed? The other half of the cleaning crew? Why else do you think his nipples are erect?
If I were going to showcase some furniture, I think I’d probably not cover it up with crap. Hmmm. Maybe the furniture is of poor quality and all this stuff is suppose to distract you from noticing. Clever.
Luddite….funny you should mention that hideous store. An ex of mine worked there for a while. He hated it.
That purdy pitcher above the bed would give Thomas Kinkade himself nightmares. Regarding rampant clutter, are these people looking for sex partners or editors?
New Federal law mandates that ball caps be worn only by those under 16 or by adults during actual games, so he must be forgiven for wearing it indoors, in private; .001 points for not wearing it backwards. A&F? More Abercrombie & Methusela, tho a fairly fit one. Dressing his age would point this out, dressing 40 years too young only screams desperation. Scan Craig’s List M4M in any city in the country and you’ll see that if you’re of a certain age and want twinks, you don’t try to look like one, you just appear to be generou$$$…
The plantation shutter is nice. Thank God it’s closed.
its not staged. The bed sheets are too messed up and there is a telephone to the left of the bed. No store display would have a telephone. The guy just has too much stuff in his room
Maybe you get a free stuffed animal with every purchase at Levitz? Dirty old man not included.
Here’s what i’d do if someone gave me 3 minutes to “fix” this room, i’d just grab a few giant garbabe bags and start throwing everything i could in them and remove as much crap as possible. the room isn’t awful, it’s just waaaaay overdone. even if a furniture display room is nicely done, i’d never try to just recreate it in my own home because it still looks like a furniture display room. if i had a bit more time, i’d try swapping out a few of the suite pieces for those that still complement what’s left without looking too perfectly matched. I’d try to give the room the feel that you took the time to think about the things you wanted in the room. My preference: less is more. the clothes would make nice dust rags to polish and show off the wood once every inch of it isn’t covered with junk.
I just noticed the Teddy Bear in front, burying his face in shame. That sort of says it all, now, doesn’t it?
He seems transfixed by whatever porn he has showing on the tv. Maybe he’s watching old animated Care Bear episodes. That would tie a lot of things together.
Are those a pair of “speedos” on the bed. How much you wanna bet they have an A&F logo on them? Even if A&F does not make speedos, I’m sure he’d find a logo for them. At the very least they will have SPEEDO spelled out on the butt.
This photo was captured in the middle of an earthquake in Modesto and he is hanging on for dear life. Look, all the clocks are stopped and the poor bears are ducking for cover. He’ll soon lose power on the lamp over the ‘art’ and will be hightailing it to the garage to get his serial killer paraphernalia before the police arrive. Can’t believe nobody has yet said, ‘I’d hit that.’
It looks like Hobby Lobby threw up cheap tchochkes all over the room.
Is it me, or is anyone else here seriously relieved that this particular gentleman has plenty of clean Abercrombie attire to show off in for this picture? And while it is indeed comforting that his extensive menagerie appears to be both well-groomed and fashionably dressed, I am secretly grateful that my dear childhood companion and mentor, Paddington Bear is not among them to witness this man’s geriatric shenanigans. Alas, it would appear Winnie was not so lucky.
Simply, too much of EVERYTHING. Too many stuffed bears (I’ve never really understood their purpose), too much fringe (on the pillow shams AND the throw pillows too–seriously?), too many clocks, too much A&F (were he only wearing the ballcap, or the tee OR the board shorts then we would allow it–but here he screams “wannabe college-”jock”-retail-label whore”). The plastic (and I’m sure, dusty) ficus tree makes me really nervous.
I’m willing to bet he’s one of those guys that tries to justify his age by always saying, “I’m [insert age over 45], but people tell me that I look…”
My only sigh of relief is in agreement with Kipp S. Baye about the plantation shutters. Thankfully, they were closed, but more importantly that there weren’t DUSTY. That would’ve sent me over the edge.
i can’t believe we’ve made it to 30 posts and no one has mentioned the miniature grandfather clock that the aberzombie has stuffed into the front of his shorts, just under the drawstring.
i also don’t believe the bear is ashamed, i think he’s trying not to snicker.
and what about that poor lone beagle?
This room is screaming to me that it exists in an Atlanta suburb. Possibly Charlotte, NC. Any thoughts on city of origin?
Funkytown?
Stepford?
Abercrombie?
it’s a beachfront condo on the Island of Misfit Accessories.
I wish his grandmother would stop giving him stuffed animals…
Why oh why are there so many stuffed animals included in these interior photos? What is it with gay men and stuffed animals? It is truly disturbing. (There is also a gay horror movie plot in there somewhere.)
I’ll pass on all the symbolism involving clocks, A&F, stuffed animals, lost youth, and desperation. All I know is that if–in the unlikely event–I were to ever have to spend a night in this room, I’d probably be checking behind that “plant” every 15 minutes or so to reassure myself that it wasn’t concealing a Bogey-man. Finally I would groggily chuck it out the door, banishing it to the hallway.
this whole thing is just some nasty Kirkland’s clearance event gone awry…instead of mismatched manger scenes… he cleaned them out of deco bronze and motel motif…
either that or he decided to take his naughty pics in his grandma’s room at the assisted living home… the nightstand phone sort of has a medic alert feel to it…
Looks like the room is closing in on him and he’s bracing himself only to be crushed by the Pier 1 and Hobby Lobby merchandise.
Hes massaging is prostate on the bed-frame. It feels so good he never stops. It will always Christmas at his house!
Must be the bearcave where all the heavy drinking occurs before they head out to the woods for that special picnic that takes place only once a year.
is that a hard on in his shorts?
is that his grandmother’s bedroom?
is he planning to donate all that teddy bears to some shelter?
is he watching TV, porn or just himself in the mirror?
is A&F making a comeback?