Sean: I think I’ve seen this photo as a brainteaser in the back of last month’s Sci Fi Magazine with the following caption: Can you find all the magic swords hidden in this wizard’s room? Strangely enough, none of the swords are crossing. Wait a minute. That’s part two of the brainteaser. Anyway, my personal favorite is the sword mounted on the plaque, which, as everyone knows, is the award given for reading The Lord of The Rings one million times. The framed photocopies of what appears to be obscure verse by J.R.R. Tolkien are also quite breathtaking.
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I don’t know — is the interior here really lurid? It’s a little too geeky for my taste, but there’s nothing really egregious going on (excepting the princess elves). Everything is clean and well organized. The coffee table is a bit hideous, but man, at least it sparkles. This is more a fixer-upper than a lurid dig.
And the dolls? You forgot those dolls!
Are there four or five rings on the right hand?
I count 4 rings..but maybe it is caused I am soooooooooooooo wasted
Those stripes really pull you right in there, don’t they?
Were you ever instructed with “you don’t tell everything you know”?
In home decor, you don’t show everything you’ve got. Especially when it doesn’t blend. For example, the tables don’t match or even contrast. Same with the lamps and tables. And the modern stereo is an eye sore. The cheap wall crap belongs in the trash. . What bothers me even more….white walls. Yuk. Yuk. Yuk.
If we were to start again, I’d have to break the news to our furry fun factory that all these items are someone else’s vague fantasy. And poor quality at that. You, dear woodland creature, need to create your own. Remove a few items….everything on the wall, the dolls, the tables and sofa, the rug. And hide the stereo. Then…get a life. The rest will come to you.
I dunno; it’s bad enough that the striped couch would make me dizzy if I was giving head. Worst of all I would look up and see the Elf Princesses smiley at me serenely. That ought to kill my libido right there.
Ok, full disclosure: the little white urn on the top of the bookcase, second from the right? I want it! So I would probably steal it while my host wasn’t looking. It’s perfect for a novice hoarder like me! That said with my luck I would get home only to find it contains the cremains of his dog or his grandmother.
This one makes me nervous.
Having sex in front of “The Six Wives of Henry The VIII Barbie” collection ( Three of ‘em just went to the ladies room together.) is traumatic enough. What really scares me is someone in this room having the same fate as Henry’s ex’s: An accidental ( or not…) Beheading.
Imagine being nekid, in this room, with this guy, with THAT look on his face (Translation:disappointing sex. Reeeeeeeally disappointing sex.), with all those pointy things within arms reach.
We’ve all had dates where we’ve ended the night leaving with our tail between our legs. The challenge with this room is leaving with your tail still attached. Even the coffee table could hurt you.
Sharp edges! Sharp edges!!
Our intrepid hero is obviously on a quest to find his precious. Unfortunately, he has apparently been decieved by the dark lords into believing that owning a “Middle-Earth Barbie” collection will attract his own Bilbo Baggins. Luckily for him, just like the protagonists of most such sagas, he comes from a noble house, and proudly displays his family’s pedigree on his wall (you too can have your surname traced back to European royalty for just $8.50 at any mall…and this includes the stylish plywood frame). Although I cannot make out the name on the family crest, my guess is he comes from Wales.
Put a friggin towel down. Just what guests want to see — remnants of dingleberries on the sofa.
I hate this interior. Yes, the dolls are my number one problem. Dolls should not decorate an interior of an adult’s room. Girls from 2 to 13, yes. Not 40 year old plus men. And not just any doll has been chosen — here we went for the frilliest dolls possible. Just gets the libido going, doesn’t it guys?! NOT!
The swords are number two for me. King Arthur fantasies are not how one should decorate an interior. Go hit the Renaissance Fair with the Geek Patrol, but you are really limiting your pool of people who will take you seriously with swords on the wall. You are no longer a 12 year old boy, dude!
gimme a minute while i come up with a ‘bored of the slings’ pun surrounded by a trenchant observation.
What is on top of the stereo? I can’t make that out. It looks wretched!
Guinevere? Where art thou Guinevere? Me thinks that our King Arthur wannabe hast gone unto the underworld of whimsy and fantasy but unfotunatly did not have enough in his bag of gold to do it right. Me also thinks most of the furnishings and accessories for his (not so kingly) castle, hath cometh from the local Castle Mart’s not so Medieval Collection.
Quel désastre, même les chaussettes sont désastreuses, sans parler de la chemise ivoire qui sent l’acrylique retour d’allemagne de l’est d’ici (Paris)… C‘est le drame (le seul intérêt du jeu d‘échec du premier plan: mettre en abîme ce drame, le drame de l’échec-et-mat absolu), tout sent le faux: faux bois, faux velours Louis XIII, faux glaives, faux elfes… La seule chose juste c‘est la faute de goût globale. Même le personnage principal semble faux du coup, ça aurait été logique qu’une fausse femme trône ici, en hénain, avec des faux cheveux platine, des faux seins, des faux cils: une fausse princesse, une fausse courtisane, avec une vraie bite… Le casting s’est planté.
WHY?
Quel désastre, même les chaussettes sont désastreuses, sans parler de la chemise ivoire qui sent l’acrylique retour d’Allemagne de l’Est d’ici (Paris)… C‘est le drame (le seul intérêt du jeu d‘échec du premier plan: mettre en abîme ce drame, le drame de l’échec-et-mat absolu), tout sent le faux: faux bois, faux velours Louis XIII, faux glaives, faux elfes… La seule chose juste c‘est la faute de goût globale. Même le personnage principal semble faux du coup, ça aurait été logique qu’une fausse femme trône ici, en hénain, avec des faux cheveux platine, des faux seins, des faux cils: une fausse princesse, une fausse courtisane, avec une vraie bite… Le casting s’est planté.
There is far too much potential for “poking” in this room & I’m NOT talkin’ the good kind.
Is the thing on top of the cheesy stereo unit some kind of dragon-themed art?
And why has nobody yet mentioned the tacky fucking black Celtic throw over the back of the sofa or the red plaid cloth NAPKINS on the side tables?
@GS “I hate this interior”. Are we soulmates? This isn’t even funny. I weep for my people. It’s a cautionary tale of some sort. Good choice though editors, this one really makes you think. But I can’t right now, too much vodka.
The Surrealist print on the wall pulls this entire room together, much like the knot of perennial hair ties our model to his couch. Not that this is a good thing.
*claps hands* i DO believe in fairies! i DO believe in fairies!
i also believe in slipcovers, scotch-gard, editing accessories, skintone-flattering paint, indirect lighting and not putting your ceramic rooster teapot/cup combo on top of the stereo.
This Living Room cum Shire gives new meaning to the term “Chaotic Evil”. If during sex your host refers to you at any time as “My Precious”, run like hell.
Perhaps it’s because I’m jaded after all the atrocities on this site, but this room doesn’t engage my critical genes. The most it elicits is a shrug of my shoulders. I even don’t mind the dolls. The swords don’t bother me; I once dated a guy who collected swords. He kept them in the computer room. We didn’t have sex in the computer room. The sectional in the living room was a bit uncomfortable, but we just moved out of the 90 degree angle.
I think I played D&D with him once upon a time. It’s OK to be a fan, but this demonstrates what happens when your fandom takes over your interior decorating. This could be his man-cave, but what the hell are Ren Fair Barbies doing in the man-cave? You NEVER have dolls in the man-cave. It’s just all wrong and and I refuse to call him “Aragorn” when we’re in the act. Sorry, dude. No, not “Eomer,” either.
Wirrrn for the win. No one will ever be able to beat the “chaotic evil” comment!
GS remarked “You are no longer a 12 year old boy, dude!”
Well, judging from the size of his package…
In this house, the person that rolls a natural D20 gets to bottom.
@Suave….hey hey hey….watch it fella. By length I should be 14 years old.
@Monsieur Paloma…Yes, it sounds better in French. “Faux” just sounds better than “fake s**t”. Yes?
@everyone….isn’t it odd we did not accuse this lad of being in Aunt Hilda’s home? We believe it is his. Must be the way everything lines up.
I’m curious what the scenes are back-painted on the lampshades. ‘Tho, maybe it’s better I don’t.
Do you all love the dolls still in their packages on the top shelf of the bookcase? Such a distinctive accessory to make any gay man’s living room complete.
Garry, I was equally curious about the lamp shade scenes. They are hard to make out, but I’m fearing decoupage. Maybe our interior design savant decoupaged some photos of knights of the Round Table from his favorite films on to these lampshades. Louis Comfort Tiffany did turn over in his grave when these lamps were made, I’m sure.
How much do you all want to bet that this photo was taken with a camera with an automatic timer?
There is a saying, “The penis mightier than the sword”. But the belly is mightier than the penis and the black socks are mightier than good sense or taste. What? The pen is mightier? Oh, scratch all that. How does the fake Egyptian papyrus art fit into this mess??
Whatdyaknow? Proof that the robes really do make the wizard. (Although, in this case, I’m guessing the only spell he’s capable of casting is the one where he makes his “dates” disappear in the blink of an eye the second they see this room.)
I’m with @Nashbear on this one; even organized clutter is still clutter. But the fact that he hasn’t left a single square inch of the room unsullied by his… hobby is what makes this diorama so singular. It’s as though he were engaged in some Keeping up with the Krelboynes competition that only he knows about. There’s a belligerent, in-your-face quality to all of this that’s frankly disturbing. It’s like, “Okay, Okay! I get it! You’re the Dweeb di Tutti Dweebs! You win! Now if you’d be so kind as to give me back my cell phone and unlock the door, we can both begin to put this evening behind us and get on with our lives. Such as they are.”
Yeesh!
Jimbo….nice : )
Well, at least he’s trying. In some strange, Dungeons and Dragons/Renaissance/JRR Tolkien way, he’s trying. Clearly he hasn’t yet graduated to “editing” yet, or” lighting”, or the “color and composition” just yet. And let’s face it, what he makes at the Head Shop/Occult Video Rental and Comic Book Emporium has to stretch a good ways to cover his rent, his decor, and the “How To Decorate Your Hobbit Hole” Continuing Education courses at the local Shire Community College.
And we have seen much much worse here on this site.
That’s all I could think of…can you answer them?! heheh!! >_<
i wonder if his Grandma knows what’s going on in her basement….
Sex in a room with knives/swords/daggers: HOT!
Sex in a room with knives/swords/daggers AND dolls: YIKES!
Okay fellas! I think we missed one detail, the table top at the top right corner. It’s pink!!! If it’s really pink in real life, I don’t care how sexy the man in the room is, I cannot have sex with a man that has a pink table top! Or like everyone else has commented, has too many dolls or swords or sharp edges in the room! Or has black socks on! And most importantly wears a sour puss expression. Hasn’t his mama ever told him that people are more attracted to others who look happy and you use less facial muscles when you smile instead of frowning.
Guys, go easy on me, this is my first posting of a comment here, but have been reading and laughing hard at your comments for quite some time.
I don’t mind the decor – i will let anything slide in me…but not if it’s wearing black socks!!!
Whoa, break out the D&D – wait, make that AD&D – and roll the dice, boys! Or shall we play a game of chess? And what will be the stakes?
“Knives and Dolls”?
checkmate!
My friends:
What we have here is a preview of the forthcoming Don Brown (DaVinci Code/Angels and Demons, etc) novel.
–One clue is the missing symmetrical doll. We have Mary Stuart, the Empress Eugenie, Catherine the Great and…
–The Heraldic pictoriography points toward the pee-pee if you draw the appropriate lines.
–Three of the swords are aligned with the faux tiffany lamps.
–The coffee table matches one on the “Golden Girls”
So, someone must put these clues together
–Unfortunately, the object on top of boom box is difficult to distinguish and may be an important clue to the missing royal doll
–As well, the two boxed figures on the book case are likely important sources of information (matched Elvi dolls? Star Trek memorabilia? Liberace figurines in their original boxes?–the value of the latter should not be gainsaid by the way)
–Unfortunately, the chess pieces are aligned for the start of a match.
Perhaps a challenge from our striped-couch friend?
Channeling my inner John Foster Dulles for an appropriate answer
Is this guy freemason?
wirrrn — Damn and blast! You stole the words from my mouth: “chaotic evil.”
This is what happens when that kid with the singsong voice who lives in the Shadowlands between Middle Earth and the Autistic Spectrum has an overindulgent family with an inferiority complex:
Clearly, he’s into the same things as that nice Mitnick boy who could fix what caused all the error messages we got from the Apple IIe, so he must be brilliant!
We should just let our little Tom Bombadillo eat all he wants and indulge himself in any hobby that requires slavish attention to the “canon” of someone else’s imaginings; 20-sided dice; playing cards with magical powers or personalities that looked like poorly-framed Maxfield Parrish for Heavy Metal Magazine illustrations (viz. this: http://tinypic.com/r/2ztesg7/4 ); or anything else that needs a plastic sleeve to protect it from contamination by real life and/or creativity.
This one even has the funk of racism floating about his corpulent self: Swords, but only from the Barbarian Hordes of the Blond Lands; More faux Celtic/Anglo-Saxon/Viking knotted crap than you could cut with Alexander’s blade (no, the other one, but the attempt at livening up the decor is appreciated, guys) but no Unending Knot Archetype exempla from other cultures; Three Little Maids, but not the kind From School (even the Orientalist indulgences of the Mikado are barred from entry);
A couch that seems to want to be shabby genteel, but neglects only that one stain which would lend it that air: blue blood; faux heraldry, almost certainly the lineage of his Dungeons & Dragons conclave (but definitely could be the lineages of all the main characters of Tolkein, from the Days of the Silmarillion, to those of The Hobbit, to the Trilogy Times);
the only nods to any existence outside the European Community are the papyrus, which is likely a nod to Hermes Trismegistus (“Hermes [Who Is] Three Times Great”), a fictional ur-Alchemist who was believed, by medieval-through-Enlightenment Western Europeans Occultists to be the author of the “Tabula Smaragdina” (“Emerald Tablet”), the First of All Magical Writings, and to have been the avatar/incarnation of the God(s) Thoth/Hermes, the Worker of Necromantic Magic and Guide of Souls To the Underworld/Afterlife.
Oh, also Hermes Thricegreat was supposed to be a HUGE queen. Hence: Magic(k) + Homosexual = Tolkein Fan On Gay Website.
Anyway, point being, this guy is a huge, pointy-headed tool for someone so tiny and inert.
Oh my…. This one gave mommy a headache. SO much effort from our good, grumpy friend (I AM assuming it’s his room) with so little to show for it. At least if he were smiling I’d feel better knowing the dollies were in a loving foster home.
I always wondered who the person was that kept Spencer’s and cigar shops in business.