Richard: Oh, youth. They try so hard. First Lady Gaga and then Lady Lambert, and now this Lady Fledgling Student of Architecture. (At least I think he’s an architecture student. If I could see his glasses, I’d know for sure.)
It’s obvious that LFSA is a fan of German culture: note the prominent Heineken banner, which he swiped from an Oktoberfest display when the hot bartender he’s secretly in love with stepped out for a piss. This became a design centerpiece for our Bauhaus-frau — something around which he attempted to create a sleek, Euro look for his attic atelier.
Unfortunately, jamming a lot of minimalism into one room kind of defeats the point. The bland walls, the raw mirrors, that sad Philadelphia Phillies banner, the austere futon frame: TOO MUCH, I SAY. When finishing a project, decorators should always take a good, long look at their work and set fire to one thing before leaving the room. That philosophy was good enough for Coco Chanel, and it should be good enough for anyone at Penn State.
Parting thought #1: If LFSA is trying to clue mom into his 420 habit, that shrunken skull-head lava lamp will do the trick just fine. And speaking of tricks…
Parting thought #2: PENMANSHIP CLASS. Invest in one.
File Under:Bedroom Terrors
46 Responses to 'Always Set Fire to One Thing Before Leaving the Room'
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Forget the focus of the shot, is that a fucking blue-jeans quilt??
I forgive the bad penmanship, this was written by either a stoned buddy while he slumbered or by himself backwards in a mirror. What does it say? Seriously, skip this shot and go watch Ewan McGregor in “The Pillow Book” again.
OMG! At first I thought that was a cheap abstract painting above his bed, now I realize it’s a Mirror! It’s reflecting his flannel spread (bed spread, not crotch spread). I wonder if the other side of the room is open, like a loft?
And what’s glowing along the bed line of the knee wall he’s facing? Doesn’t sperm glow under a black light? Nice earth tones though, from the carpet, to the walls, to the balls and back. Koodos for buying the more expensive battery operated butt plug, the man has taste! But why the middle finger?
Honestly, was your line, “jamming a lot of minimalism into one room” a metaphor for the deeply inserted Blue Vibrating Butt-Plug?
In this room, not even the Lava-Lamps® (OMG There are TWO of them!) are safe.
Tshirt on the floor, behind the bed, seems cum rags are hanging around like doilies! I think the glowing green bar is the result of a flash hitting a reflective street sign that he stole along with the Heineken banner.
Anyone know what is written on his ass and what’s on the floor between his knees.
Butt plug, lava lamps, pictures of beer bottles . . . lots of phallic imagery going on here.
I have a hunch there was a third lava lamp, BUTT it’s not in full view right now.
The thing between his knees is the battery pack/control to the vibrating dildo/buttplug. I think the glow along the bedline comes from the tops of cutout skylights (I don’t know the architectural term for these window niches that don’t open). I don’t know what the green glow is from unless there’s a greenhouse below with that green corrugated fiberglass.
First of all the Heineken banner can’t be from a German Oktoberfest. The Germans have a purity manifest for beers, Heineken doesn’t fit that bill.
Second he can fuck himself as long as he wants, he doesn’t have dress sence, in the room anyway.
I bet he’s “straight.”
Worst ever remake of The Diary of Anne Frank.
Either that or our intrepid spelunker has read one too many VC Andrews novels.
chango wins! I want to know what his front looks like.
Something about this says “drunken frat house prank.” I haven’t seen rooms like that since college. Grayness everywhere…except the sex toys. I bet he didn’t remember this photo the morning after it was taken.
Are you sure those aren’t nunchucks? I was thinking nude martial arts practice session gone wrong. Which then explains the minimalism – it’s an attic dojo!
Oh dear…geographical no-no – Heineken… German? I think 16 million Dutchmen will be a tad miffed!!
I know he’s laying his upper body on the edge of that Dollar Store bed but even the frame of the bed looks warped on the left side. I may be wrong (except for when I’m not right) but I absolutely love the balance he has thoughtfully brought to this totally masculine lair with the matching pair of toilet cabinets which he glamourized atop with two different-matching panes of glass. P.S.- Laural Ingles wants her blanky back.
The decor is actually quite bland, it’s not really objectionable, even though I couldn’t live with it. The cheap mirror on the ceiling over the bed isn’t working, either do the whole thing or nothing. But the lava lamps, no, that was a kitsch revival that has really outrun it’s second coming, even if he hasn’t outrun his.
Nice butt, I too want to see the front.
Still wondering if anyone can decipher what it says. I can’t read his writing. Doesn’t anyone have a compact mirror they can hold against their monitor? Or go all tech if you have to, download the image, reverse it if necessary and plug it into a handwriting analysis program. Don’t bother with a psych profile, though. I can save you the bother. This angry young man has definite Daddy issues and possibly suffers a crisis of identity (and if it turns out his father is in fact a beer distributor, he’s quite disturbed).
What’s with the mirrors, the one on the left and the one on the ceiling look like they’ve been scavenged just like the Heineken sign and what appears to be a road sign against the wall just peeking through in green highlights.
It’s difficult to say, but probably the only thing this boy purchased new for his little attic nook was the butt plug that wouldn’t be considered new at this point.
Kinsey 1, Christopher Lowell 0.
self love knows no bounds
poor scary dear
Well, at least he’s trying for some balance here. The tacky little bedside tables where he hides his Wet & his other playthings. It does appear there are three mirrors, we just can’t see the one on the right. But it’s clearly reflecting something onto his ceiling.
And really, what is up with the finger? Wouldn’t it be smarter to say fuck me than fuck you since we can’t read whatever is on his ass?
[taking out compact]
ah, it says “owned” on each side.
[replaces compact]
Glad to be of service.
Ah, Chango, you dear old queen, I was somewhat in agreement with belinaccio that he’s probably straight (lots of heterosexual boys are diddling themselves these days, it seems) although the magic marker on his ass did make me think “piggy” and therefore probably, most definitely, not straight. Glad to have that cleared up.
Where was this man when I was in college? we could have made beautiful music between bong hits. o.
i don’t think it says ‘owned.’ i think it’s runic for ‘abandon hope all ye who ENTER HERE’
Fuse. Detonator. Kapow!
Those graffiti artists get around, don’t they?
My guess is it is a reflective green street sign behind the bed. The question remains what street sign did our lurid digger purloin. My guess it’s the entrance sign for the Lincoln Tunnel.
Kinda a fun looking space!
Aside from the fact that it virtually defines the word “tacky,” having a mirrored bedroom ceiling comes with a few built-in prerequisites. First and foremost – Go Big or Go Home. If you’re going to do it, there’s no point in nailing a single, bare, pillow-sized pane directly above the center of your… cot! Second, if there is little more than a foot of clearance between the comforter and the ceiling and if that ceiling is tilted at an angle…? What exactly is it you’re trying to reflect? And to whom? I have nothing whatsoever against kink but that’s just obtuse! Literally!
He gets an A for symmetry, though. Or WOULD if he’d managed to center that prosaic yet sadly telling beer banner. (Honest to God, dude! You’re too cheap to spring for a freakin’ poster?!)
i try to cut some slack for those forced to go with Use What You Have decorating. my guestroom is done in ’50s Farmboy Obsessed With James Dean, Marlon Brando & Tab Hunter because going Edwardian Sexpit was not a financial priority.
however, if Blue Man Group pays the ransom for their castmate currently held hostage in the fratboy’s ass, perhaps he’ll upgrade.
You LD guys botched it this time. This isn’t a photograph of a wayward bachelor pad, however distressing. This is a vintage still from a set in an ABC television sound stage. Here’s the story, of some lovely lava….
The Brady Bunch episode where Greg and Marcia fight over who gets to have the attic as a bedroom was originally a “two part-er”, with a large portion of the second episode’s theme being Mike Brady reminding his children who really “owns” the room and has the right to make the final decision on the matter.
A large reason the story-line was shortened into a one episode plot was one moment on the set, while rehearsing an argument scene between the three Brady’s, Robert Reed took it upon himself to insert an improvisational moment by creating his own “two part-er” in an effort to show his children via visual aid, who’s room REALLY belonged to.
So, what about the cell phone on the floor, technology that wouldn’t be available to anyone in the cast for years? When this still was discovered decades later, the phone was added using Photoshop in an effort to throw the public off track. That attempt was quickly thwarted when experts confirmed that the handwriting on Mr Reed’s backside was that of Ann B. Davis.
Though the lost episode attached to this photograph was destroyed, Robert Reed’s finely tuned acting instincts were not completely for-naught. While watching all of this mess unfold before her behind the camera, Florence Henderson was reminded that it was time to renew her contract with the Wesson Oil people.
i think this picture was taken by his room mate, sitting on an equally sad bed on the other side of the room..
I think for a private playspace, it’s at least sweet. It looks as if it’s a room at Mom and Dad’s for someone too young to buy adult novelties, don’t you think?
Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting Twas Brillig and his slithy toves! As you can see, he is currently gyring and gimbling in the wabe! Give the young mome rath a hand!
HEINEKEN is Dutch, not German.
Dash: Ann B. Davis, you naughty wench!
Hmmm… a dime a dozen on Craig’s List. LD can do better. Times are good now, but watch those conference calls from your cellphone while at the carwash. The internets move fast.
Today’s whimsical decoration becomes tomorrow’s reminder to join a 12-step program.
As for the ass-writing, I reckon it’s the little man he stuffed inside him before the sex toy writing “Help me”, like Reagan did in THE EXORCIST…
For someone who loves beer so much that he puts a stolen banner of Heineken bottles up next to his bed, I’m surprised to not see more empty bottles lying around the bedroom. Oops, I think I’ve figured out where the empties go.
By the way, what beer company makes a bright blue bottle? He must have run out of Heinies — just made myself giggle with the pun. I think I just pee’d in my pants a little.
Mom, guess what I learned to do at college today?
Part of me thinks this is a still from a horror porn movie. That our star has been possessed by some demon that has infiltrated his cozy dorm room/attic space. The demon has then forced a lava lamp some where it does not want to be and plugged it in. The scrawl on our star’s ass is then some hellish indecipherable script declaring the presence of the demon. This may be the same film as the man being hung by his balls from a few weeks ago. Another attic shot.
Shhh… there is a secret phallic holder by the head of the bed…it is the silver basket on the floor by the ironically named ‘inlaid’ particle-board night stand. In real-life it is for bananas to ripen.
With a single filament to illuminate the room, the wall is now an endless canvass for a hand-shadow puppet show.
Frankly, it’s hot.
Not to quote Margaret but one more hole and he could have internet access. Wait, or was it cable??
TGD
OMG, how could I forget that Heineken is Dutch? I suppose it’s because I’m a total pansy and drink chardonnay straight from the box.
Anyway: THANK YOU FOR COMPLETELY DESTROYING MY THEORY. I’m going to go cry in a corner — one that much better decorated than his, but still.
This is obviously a straight man’s loft. Butch “flanel” bed: check. No annoying window treatments (windows?): check. No friendly stuffed animals, just a pile of pillows and I can only assume dirty laundry (bluejeans): check. Last but not least, the lack of anything PINK!: check. He is obviously straight. The guy that wrote on him – if it isnt the same guy, he is straight too. A gay man would write in cursive style. Peace
Room needs pink ruffle curtains and an ABBA poster STAT!
is this some sort of SIGN LANGUAGE?? if so, could someone please translate it for me??? this gentleman is using squares and rectangles like they are going out of style and the only relief from this torture is the bullseye of his asshole. AND honestly, does he really think the use of a mirror over the bed makes the room look bigger??