Richard: My mother used to say that wisdom comes with age. My mother also used to say that orange is a wonderful color for a bedroom and that gauchos are perfectly acceptable for Sunday church services, so she’s been proven wrong before.
This photo pretty much destroys her wisdom/age hypothesis.
Now, on the plus side, I give daddy-o a clap for using so much white in a dungeon/kitchenette. That takes some serious cojones. He also earns big-ups for painting his ceiling a darker color than the walls — an advanced move, and not for the faint of heart. The built-ins by the fridge look good too, and if the queens on HGTV are any gauge to go by (hint: they’re not), they’ll boost his pad’s resale value. Which is great, because any potential buyer looking at those off-kilter free-standing shelves, the random unframed mirror leaning precariously on the floor, and folding chairs nabbed from the Our Lady of Perpetual Succor garage sale is bound to lowball his first offer.
But put all that aside a moment. What I want to know is why anyone would post a sexpic to Manhunt or Boyhunt or Bearhunt or whatever and advertise the fact that they’ve got crabs. Distinctly unwise.
File Under:Dens From Hell | Kitchen Kitsch
34 Responses to 'A Dungeon/Kitchenette and Crustacean Corner'
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David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
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How could you not mention the spiders on the wall lamp device thingie? Is that an outside trash can in front of the fridge?
@ stevestr: I believe Richard addresses that in his closing paragraph:
“But put all that aside a moment. What I want to know is why anyone would post a sexpic to Manhunt or Boyhunt or Bearhunt or whatever and advertise the fact that they’ve got crabs. Distinctly unwise.”
Aaaaaah, another fine sexample of interiors gone wild. I have fault with the oversized attention-getting trash can in front of the fridge. I am also drawn to the odd basket (thing)in the upper left corner. I don’t know why, my eye just goes there. I have strange feelings when I see a mirror sorta leaning in the middle of the room. What is behind it? What is it enhancing? Lastly, what kind of stereo equipment is hidding behind the guy who looks very much like Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee). My final reccomendation? The room looks fine with all the cupboards. Lose the cut-out crabbies (please) and add a… (you guessed it) ABBA poster or two!
I haven’t seen white used like that since the 70′s. That said… someone should remind him that all that white ain’t gonna stay white for long if he continues smoking. I suspect that the ceiling is darker for that reason and he was just too “weighted down” to paint it white with the walls. As for the trashcan, I think it’s actually an ice bucket located just behind his chair. Perhaps chilling a vintage chardonnay or storing a selection of various sized vacuum tubes.
I haven’t seen white used like that since the 70′s. That said… someone should remind him that all that white ain’t gonna stay white for long if he continues smoking. I suspect that the ceiling is darker for that reason and he was just too “weighted down” to paint it white with the walls. As for the trashcan, I think it’s actually an ice bucket just behind his chair. Perhaps chilling a vintage chardonnay or storing a selection of various sized vacuum tubes.
(Jane Curtin, SNL ca. 1850′s, Dating Game, archetypal skit revealing profound ageless truth, if you don’t know it move on.)
INTERIOR DECONSTRUCTION/ANALYSIS OF GAY MALE AMATEUR PHOTOS and all. Cute question! Listen, I love the big fat dick, the perfect daddy happy trail construction. Laid back, the cigar is cute not particularly into it but tolerable. I’d do you til sunrise. You want crabs? No, I don’t have them in my pubes but I’ll buy you some resin crab figurirines made in China as long as you let me suck that great fat dick. Lots of guys stay all night right thru til morning. You won’t be disappointed if you pick me.
This scene is one iconic romp for the olfactory sense which virtually slaps the viewer in the face and shouts: “I love the smell of Old Spice and poppers in the morning!” In fact, I feel the need to fight the urge to scratch my computer screen, half-thinking my nostrils will be treated to the waft of aging cigar (no doubt contained for eternity in the velveteen couch fabric), designer lube (ibid for the ottoman) and just a hint of lilac from the potpourri basket on top of the bare-white shelving in the back.
With the dungeon kitchenette and the industrial trashcan right next to the fridge, the black “leather” furniture so easy to wipe down, one can only imagine that if the internet were as ubiquitous fifteen years earlier than it is today with Manhunt, Craigslist and Facebook that this is how Jeffrey Dahmer would have stocked his freezer. I can barely breathe looking at this photo.
This room is strictly Tom Of Finland Loses His Gym Membership (or is thrown out for wanking in the sauna). Where’s the sling or rim rocker?
Welcome back Lurid Digs! Hope Gandalf 2 didn’t file suit!
If IKEA would do a makeover on this place…..and publish it WITH the daddy, much like this pic……..can you imagine?
For starters, the cockring would be swapped out for some contraption with an un-pronounceable name.
“Serious cojones” indeed!
i gotta say, it takes balls i mean guts i mean courage to ignore the current Go Green interior movement and stick with vinyl and melamine. also to ignore the gay instince for 3-point glamour lighting and go with a flash instead.
we can see the batterie de cuisine on display, but i’m more interested in the batterie de battery that isn’t.
I have never seen a more revolting cock. It’s like his groin is pushing out a baby’s head and arm. Barf.
Are you certain those walls are white? They look blue to me. Baby blue. And the ceiling looks like a shade of putty. If I’m correct, that means daddy is gay.
And the crabs don’t look like they have enough legs to be crabs. Aren’t these spiders? And wouldn’t that be a nice lighting fixture without the creatures.
I get the feeling this is dad’s man-den by the lake where he and his biker friends hang out. No pun intended. Speaking of saline injections….I’m just sayin’.
I like the way things are neatly organized as well. Typically, I don’t like the open-cabinet look but I think it works in this space. As for a focal point, I think Dad and his friends bring their own and the space just serves as a backdrop. Can’t you just imagine a warm evening in the dim light watching shadows on the ceiling, the low voices of guests lulling you into a relaxed state, beer in one hand and the other hand free for cigars and the like.
All I’m saying is that this space works for me. If you don’t agree….meet me outside.
This Zorba the Greek is a contestant for worst Broadway revival 2010.
I have to agree with Nashbear on the fixture. The entire foreground is bathed in this harsh camera flash glare (not only on the sofa and the trash can, but on his knees as well) and then you have a nice, ambient glow in the background: it almost makes this dig look homey.
A leg of lamb and a grapefruit. Yuck! I just vomited. That’s all I’m saying.
This pic sets my teeth on edge, because it looks uncannily like my ex-boyfriend’s apartment. Except for the spiders on the light, and a few other things. I wonder if this is the guy he dumped me for…who then proceeded to dump him. Ex came crawling back to me, and I told him to fuck off. I am no man’s consolation prize. Anyway…too much white for a smoker, and the crab things are freaky. Sticky black vinyl, shaved pubes and a hideously ugly cock make this extremely unappealing. Not to mention the reek of a cheap stogie.
Ahoy Matey, I hope that goeduck was dug legally!
Nothing says “Minimalist” more that displaying not one but TWO empty baskets atop the bookshelves in the background. The guy at IKEA told Gran-papa that they were alike. However he lied. One is obviously the Leaning Tower of Pisa version of the Bookshelf World. As for His Flatulence, is it just me, or has someone sewn up the old geezer’s foreskin?
Very Ikea cum op-shop….
There’s something decidedly “nautical” about this photo. Maybe it’s the crabs; maybe it’s how Cap’n Tumescent displays his “buoys.” I think this is the upstairs, back apartment over the Terra Haute Fishy Finger Restaurant, where comely patrons, having (perhaps unwisely) selected the “All You Can Eat” after 5:00 special, groggily awaken, disoriented, confused and sticky.
If he’s doing Captain Crab I want to see Spongebob
His cock and balls look like 5 lbs of sausage in a 3 lb sack!! Or, like a cow fetus. Honestly!!!! I think he smokes that cigar to cause a distraction!! But, I do like the crabs—glad they’re on the light fixture and not on his cock ring!
Still beats the guy swinging from his balls! I still have flashbacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A ginormous lit cigar and narry a single ash tray in sight.
Talk about a crime scene!
someone needs to tell the poor thing that if you don’t undue every now and then things swell…
So THIS is what the Penguin’s henchmen get up to on their days off.
First of all, let me just state the obvious and say that a cornucopia of cubby holes is not at all inappropriate in a bear’s home (or den, as it were). The fact that they’re constructed of a uniform white melamine and crammed to the gills with bric-a-brac is a little odd but they themselves are not out of place. In fact, I’d go so far as to call it a thematic home run.
As far as the prominently displayed crabs go – well… at least you can’t say you weren’t warned.
Meanwhile – that poor chair. That poor, poor chair.
C’mon folks! You’ve missed the obvious explanation as to why there is a garbage can placed directly in front of the refrigerator. This Daddy is single and things tend to go past their expiration date in the fridge. So, when Daddy is in the mood to clean up the fridge, he can just toss the chunky milk, fuzzy eggs and the leftovers from Lenny’s err… Denny’s or Panda Express or Pizza Hut that have stayed in there long enough to have bacteria cultures taken from them.
As far as the daddy is concerned, I think he’s sexy in a peculiar way. Would I go to bed with him? No. He’s not getting near me with something that looks like it’s been in the vacuum pump(or vacuum cleaner for that matter)too long!!!! Not unless he wants me to throw that thing over my shoulder and burp it like a baby.
Back to the decor, I don’t know about you guys, but I’d never use a shelf that should be in the living room for a pantry. Look carefully at the shelf over his shoulder, there is a Sunmaid Raisins container on the second shelf and what looks like a wine carafe on the top shelf. I would never dream of decorating with kitchen staples in my living room or den. I’m just saying…..
When you mentioned crabs I thought it referred to the black spot on his balls.
The interior looks more like a dungeonette than a kitchenette to me.
I’d suck it
Would love to ride that cock! Mmmmm
That is the WORST Halloween costume I’ve ever seen!
good GOD….the angry spiders on the wall behind him bit his dick and balls while he was sleeping and caused them to swell…..thank the holy heavens he had the sense to use a tournaquit ( not sure of my spelling here )to stop the flow of spider venom to his brain. obviously, he had to bite down on something to prevent him biting off his tongue….the moral to this story is simple….DO NOT HANG PICTURES OF VENOMOUS CREATURES ON YOUR WALLS!!
I am a bit upset that you posted a picture that you have no legal right to post. What should we do about this?