Shawn: All this DayGlo pastel mixed with the acrylic palm frond theme — it’s like a Saved By The Bell set was left standing all these years. I’m guessing hotel here, but not just any hotel; this is a serious tourist trap named The Crystal Reef or the Dolphin Lagoon, complete with a clam shell pink courtyard fountain and a King Triton sculpture in the lobby. We’re talking the likely setting for a nudist retreat. I am heartened by the fact that the vertical blinds, beside tables, and lamps are shell pink also — that’s a cohesive commitment to a decor motif, though I feel like the floral bedspread should have some sort of marine pattern to fully complete the effect. Hyper-nervous insomniac/minimalist that I am, I’m not convinced that I could actually sleep in this setting without an eye mask, but maybe they’re showing a double feature of Creature From The Haunted Sea and The Mermaids of Tiburon in the rec room?
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
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Well, poop! When you strip away the glamour that the cameras invariably add, the fantasy doesn’t seem nearly so arresting. Now, where’s Adrienne Barbeau and that midget with my mai tai?
Oh dear, WAAAAY too much pastel and stenciling. At the same time no less. And you just know that bedspread is one of those really icky ones that’s gotten all nubby on the underside. We won’t talk about what would show up if we flashed a black light on it either.
“Thank you for being a friend….”
There’s no point in critiquing this dig, Shawn’s completely right, this is obviously a vacation condo rental or tourist trap hotel somewhere in the Southeastern shore. And of course the bedspread is all nubby underneath, it’s 100% polyester (unless there’s some acetate mixed in) and those practically come pre-nubbed underneath…ick.
If we’re gonna lambaste anyone here, it should be the “artistic” queen who stencilled this room. Although, come to think of it, some poor lesbian may be the culprit.
Last thought, if you’re gonna spend hours shelling on the beach (and by the tan lines of your abs I can see you have been) lose the watch; that’s gonna leave a really nasty Seiko-shaped white tan line.
Was that Betty, Bea & Rue walking past the window?!
@STEVE Beat me to the punch. I figure this was one of the Golden Girls’ Bedrooms. Blanche must be in the powder room after getting her gyne stretched by her present, but soon to be booted out man-friend.
I’m not feeling Golden Girls here. More like a Care Bears or My Little Pony inspired 8 year old girl’s bedroom from the 1980s to me. The colors are just TOO bright.
All that’s missing are the posters of Tiffany and Debbie Gibson and hundreds of stuffed animals.
Granted the bed with two bedside tables is too big for one girl’s bedroom — however, the color palette screams little girl to me. Skittles rainbows and unicorns!!
Dude needs to get out of that room fast! Do you think he’s a priest at a Catholic school for the deaf? Reminds me of my priest as a kid.
Let me guess – The basement suite at a budget ladies spa in Boca? The only things missing are the plastic potted fern and the rattan ceiling fan (both doubtlessly lurking just out of camera range). NOTHING in life needs to be this pink. The whole room looks like it’s been airbrushed with Pepto Bismol! (Ironic, as the overall impact leaves me feeling more than a little queasy.)
I wish I could make out the titles on those paperbacks but it’s a pretty safe bet that their theme is ROMANCE.
P.S., Word to the Wise – Never attempt a spray-tan while doing crunches. Just… you know… FYI.
GET YOUR PASTEL ON!!! It’s Spring!!
Aahhh, vertical blinds and pastel sponge painting on the wall—-what else could set off that bedspread and lamps like that?? I’m guessing this is a rented condo bedroom somewhere in the panhandle of Florida and sure there is a pastel colored poster of two kids playing in the surf hanging on the wall somewhere. You can hear the faint hum of the ceiling fans turning and the Mr. Coffee dripping—it’s time for nude P-Nuckle and appetizers. I’m thinking Vienna Sausage, Marachino cherry, and pineapple skewers along with some Jimmy Dean sausage balls. Somebody bring me a whiskey sour! I think we’re making leis today!
This room is simply begging to be a major crime scene on some next serial murder movie. Lots of blood splatter to cancel out all that pastel.
That said I am glad the protagonist has removed his reading glasses. It makes him look younger. Like Jimbo I am curious about the paper back books he is reading. “Bold Breathless Love” by Barbara Cartwright or “The Fancy Dancer” by Patricia Nell Warren? Alas we will never know
I’ve often critiqued interiors for having “motel-room chic” but in this case, it’s kinda useless because this really does look like a motel room. The stenciling on the wall is totally overdone, and the pastels are a bit too obvious in their “Hey! We’re at Miami Beach!” attitude. In fact, there’s something very 80s about this mess, like nobody’s redecorated in 25 years. Ooog. Mr. Tan seems to be ambivalent about his surroundings as well, as if he’d rather be hooking up anywhere else but this dump.
The only thing missing in this 1980′s Florida inspired seaside retreat is a “Barbie as Ariel” Mermaid doll on the bed and a tube of lube.
I might also suggest some spray tan to fill in the blanks.
I’m sorry, all I can really do here for this room is to quote Anjelica Houston in Addams Family Values “But really Debbie, pastels????”
Frankly, I’m disappointed in you. While it’s true that this MIGHT not be his actual digs, I say guilty until proven innocent.
Let’s assume, for the sake of viciousness, that Nemo here has WILLFULLY decorated this grotto on his own. In fact, let’s posit that this was a garage that he converted into a cabana shortly after ordering a doughboy pool from the Montgomery Wards catalog. We can’t see the floor, but I’m certain it’s the original cement with a few rag rugs strategically placed to cover the oil stains left by his treasured ’77 AMC Matador coupe.
Whoa. Daddy. The equipment you have is great for the genre, but why allow yourself to be photographed in this environment? This is the homoerotic equivalent of Republican donations used to support visits to lesbian bondage strip clubs.
It would appear our hero has decorated his abode to perpetually commemorate that wonderful acid trip circa 1969, when he had his first man-on-man action while Goldie Hawn in a go-go-cage squeeled “Sock it to me!” on the wooden TV in the background. Being surrounded by all those far-out colors and psychadelic shapes would make anyone shout “you bet your sweet bippy!” to our host’s advances.
I can’t believe you guys: this is HIGH ART. Clearly, Banksy has gone totally, 100%, knob-gobblin’ gay and relocated to a retirement community in Boca. On the DL, I’ve heard that MOMA plans to buy this suite, then flip it to Asian collectors for a tidy sum when the art market eventually recovers.
the decorator’s notes said ‘granny chic.’ the workmen obviously got the first letter wrong.
I’ll never stop to wonder about those…how could one call them? windows? not at all, those are not windows but holes in the wall. So american. And the bed below the “window”, another american habit. In Europe you’ll never find a bed below a window. It seems so strange, even unbearable to the eyes. And so often found in all your photos.
My friends:
You have been given the unique opportunity to see the guest room at Richard Nixon’s “best friend”‘s pad: the one and the only Bebe Rebozo.
Unfortunately the pool boy–Carlos–kinda got in the way of the shot.
But the Nixonian elements are the key for those of non-dirty, historical mind.
Note the reading glasses. The well-paged copy of “Six Crises” on the bed stand, on “top” of Ike’s second volume of his memoirs “Waging Peace”–but I shant delve further.
As for the color schema, as Nixon once told Kissinger: “Henry, pink is the navy blue of India.”
Attentive readers will note, however, that he stole that quote from Diana Vreeland, but I digress.
You have to book early to get the end room at the Paradise Motel. The one with the extra set of windows in addition to the sliding glass doors. Bill and Frank remodeled this room in the 90′s and the wall painting makes you feel like you are sleeping outside.
This is a special decorating genre. Uplifting rentals. No need for tacky framed prints when your entire wall is the artwork. Luxurious. And this special NO SMOKING room has been so popular it is booked well in advance of the others.
Fun, exciting, the feel of the outdoors. You won’t find this at the stuffy Hilton’s or Holiday Inn’s. Plans are to refinish the side tables before the rush of visitors next Spring.
With Becky’s Tiki Bar and Grill next door the fun never ends. Dancing until mid-night. You may meet that special someone you only dream about at home.
This room says more than a vacation….it says ADVENTURE.
I don’t know about you, Nashbear, but I prefer my adventure a little more “Pirates of the Caribbean.”
Does Becky’s Tiki Bar and Grill have an early bird special?
Aloha oops that doesnt look like Hawaii – maybe another island paradise or Florida. I hate to be in conflict with my fellow posters. I have seen my fare share of HOTEL ROOM parties and whatnot. It’s a shame more people dont recognise the interior that can only be the inside of a hotel. Here are my giveaway tell-tale signs: One – the bedspread matches the floral theme (ugly) murals. Two – notice the obvious end tables? maybe he purrrrchased them at a hotel furniture store. Three – the “house phone”. Please dial 1 for an outside line. Four – the most obvious, no personal touches! Come on frowny hairy guy doesn’t have one photo or ABBA poster.
Parting thought maybe Mr. Grumpy needs to vacation somewhere else where he can put a SMILE on his face. He may even look cute, maybe not.
Hello? Vat? Vat do you mean you don’t have kosher lube? So you’ll send up a nice jar of vaseline on the house. Vat?
Come on guys! Daddy looks promising…..
I’m sorry- but this just ain’t complete without a pink flame-ingo or two stencilled onto the lamp shades.
How high has Daddy been wearing his swim trunks?
so googie gomez FINALLY makes it to the big time (the lounge at the beverly garland holiday inn, room & board included) and THIS is the stalker she gets?
Not so much Golden Girls as Imitation Golden Girls, for it lacks the warmth and cohesion necessary to truly evoke the real Fab Four. This is truly an illustration of what a “bad knockoff” looks like.
It looks like two flamingoes partied hard, very hard and vomited right before they left the room again…
Thirty comments on this pic and not one reference to Mr. Mooney. I am deeply, deeply disappointed. From the looks of him, though, I’m guessing Mrs. Carmichael wasn’t.
And what is that little statuette beneath the lamp on the right?
http://www.unicahome.com/p54499/kikkerland/solar-queen-by-chris-collicott-for-kikkerland.html
No…no…no…you all have it ALL WRONG! This is the set for NBC’s new fall show PUNKY IN PARADISE!
Honey! That’s not a statuette unde the lamp…it’s a water bottle, Blanch!