Shawn: Look, we all have our familial resentments, but those are usually best aired in a controlled forum like an intervention, an exorcism, or a cock fight. Working out your ire against Mommy and Daddy via a Recon personal ad should be reserved for those with the last names Barrymore or Lohan only. This whole room has such a young adult circa 1989 air to it that it’s either A) unoccupied but left extant like an unhealed wound, or B) the site of arrested development that could never free itself from the nest after atrophy set in to the wings. Indicators lead me to wonder if this space wasn’t assembled by parents on behalf of the occupant, or least from passed-down items no one wanted anymore. The tiny TV summons up memories of the first one we all had in our rooms so we could privately watch Skinemax movies and porn our friends passed our way, while the over-bed hutch full of stuffed animals, gimme caps, and family photos is eerily similar to the first “real” bed my neighbor had after he outgrew his race car one. And it’s all being enacted on Doogie Howser’s bedspread no less! It’s great that The Punisher can help you vent, but who will be there when your impish parents crawl under the door, your world caves inward on itself, and all you’re left with is the cryptic hush of…Silencio?
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Eric B. does not Facebook, Tweet or blog. He uses the internet to cruise for sex, like god intended. He has leopard print in every room of his house, save one. And he does not apologize.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
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the decor screams “B”, arrested development;
~
and the whole thing screams issues!!!
and i’m left screaming!!
even my bedroom in my teens “’70s) was way better than this, i think…
i had a minimalist period,
with psychadelic violet curtains my mom bought
’cause i said i liked those.
i wouldn’t no more…
sorry, no pics available.
i sometimes wish i was more enclined to take photos back then.
i now realise how much fun it could have been,
for some…
HUGZ
It’s not enough to just get rid of the waterbed for a real mattress, you have to get rid of the time-travelling “hutch” that passes for a headboard, too. Sadly, this doesn’t seem to be him updating his interior, he probably just sprang a leak when his bd/sm play got too rough and settled for picking up a mattress off someone’s lawn on garbage pickup day.
The center photo where he appears to be staring into Mommy’s and Daddy’s eyes is truly disturbing. They must have raised him with the “spare the rod and spoil the child” method of upbringing.
I can ALWAYS pick out the guy who went to Catholic school….
No, no, no! Check out the picture of Mommy and Daddy. Not Catholic, nor Presbyterian; that’s Southern Baptist circa 1978 all the way.
I think those parents go to my PawPaws church in Liberty Hill, SC.
I believe he may be screaming because he’s now covered by his well-preserved powder-blue baby blanket. Does anyone smell moth balls?
He has entered full infantile regression, urged by his parental issues as present before him….bless those Babs Bush pearls, and Fathers’ day v-neck sweater.
Oh, this is WRONG! The hutch/altar to Mom and Dad! What are you kidding me?! Where are the candles and incense as you pray and make sacrifices to them? Where is the bloody lamb?
Now I understand why a paddle was taken to this guy. Do you think Mom or Dad paddled him? My money is on Mom. With that mannish hairdo and the linebacker shoulders that she’s showing off in the photo, I suspect she’s become quite accustommed to paddling junior.
I sure hope he’s handcuffed to that bed. I’m sure there are a number of next steps to the whole humiliation/torture proceeding. Hey, maybe Mom and Dad can post a picture of the torturing of junior onto the internet.
who says you can’t go home again?
Just when I think I have seen everything. Ugh, this hacienda is SCREAMING make over. Where did they find that power-bottom tramp of a beadspread? I’m pretty sure that photo, came came came with the frame. Once all the evil spirits have been sexorcized from this HELLHOLE…Repaint, re-sexaccessorize & add an ABBA poster or two. Oh, parting thought – HIT HIM AGAIN!!! HARDER! ouch
You know, when the folks eventually… pass on and you’re finally free to bundle up their crap, haul ass out of The Bible Belt and move into that studio apartment in Chelsea you’ve been dreaming of, you’ll find the lack of space demands that you’ve got some hard choices to make and if you really MUST hang on to the queen-size bed (which, given the circumstances, is perfectly understandable), then I’m sorry but the enormous, oppressive, mid-century breakfront has GOT to GO – I don’t care HOW many familial memories it holds. And don’t even try to tell me that you’ve “repurposed” it as a headboard. It’s a breakfront and a pretty damned ugly one at that. So, get over yourself, Missy.
Meanwhile, how many Digs have we seen now with that same shitty duvet cover in them – umpty-trillion?! It’s enough already! There should be a WANTED poster at Sears, Penneys and WalMart with that friggin’ pattern on it! The effect has become Pavlovian – the mere sight of it gives me a depression headache, at his point! Small wonder he’s screaming!
P.S., He looks just like his mother, doesn’t he? But then, so many masochists do.
NO it is not his bedroom but the things bedroom with the wooden spoon – the man on the bed is his new toy – and his new sub needs a whole lot of love, if you want to call it that… Mommy and Daddy I agree, are Southern Baptist and making this punisher do his thing to the poor unsuspecting cub because god told him that it was up to him to make mommy and daddy proud. Everything is the same just like mommy and daddy Bell left it and it is his shrine – he sleeps like a baby but not with new friend cubby Nelson – well he would not think of painting or changing their things just wouldn’t be right. The top left hand picture tells it all WTF did I get myself into, I have to keep in mind (he is saying to himself “this is all paid for and I can live here perfectly free, I just have to endure”) down the road we’ll paint but right now i have to put up with this shit
Jimbo, you are right. Our victim is the spitting image of Mom. Is there a small chance that junior did drag for the photo? That blue blouse is horrid though. Does nothing for her. It makes her look more like a football player.
He could get away if he wanted to. That’s cheap nylon rope if ever I saw it.
Closeup reveals something of a Jackson-Pollacky print on the duvet cover which has got to be good for concealing DNA, so the decorator scores a couple of points for practicality. For everything else though – a big fat ZERO. Especially that ersatz baroque altarpiece. BTW, is it just me, or was there a photo up recently which I (& a few others) were convinced was Gandalf’s Lair again, and which mysteriously vanished into the ether after a couple of days? Much as I adore a lovely interior design critique, I LOVE a sordid mystery even more.
FINALLY! Someone getting the GBT (gay bad taste) beaten out of them!
Jimbo: I think the duvet cover would be better off in the previous posting “a vacation meant to spend alone”. It would just fit better in that pastel hell hole um..hotel.
My concern is that the Dom wielding the belt might actually be the Dad in the picture. Now as for looking at your (deceased?) parents, in their former bedroom set, while being tied down and having your pink ass beaten red is just too much for me. Is there a psychotherapist in the house? Anyone?
He’s being punished and rightly so. For the Mirror in the headboard Waterbed, The alter to Mom and Dad. The 80′s bedspread…. and sooo much more.. Its all just WRONG!!!!
I’m speechless, Shawn, you said it all. Your post will be studied by English Lit students well into the 23rd Century. Melding psychoanalytic literature with interior design is bread and butter for this site. But you brought in politics, religion. Frankly, you brought the entire evolution of the frontal cortex of the human brain down to bear on this one photo with magnificent results. Hats off to Shawn.
I’m sorry folks, but I have to disagree with you all, the photo that you all are calling “mommy and daddy” looks more like grandma and grandpa. Regardless of relationship, family portraits in pictures where sex is going to occur is such a turn-off!!! Fellas, in the future, if you’re going to take nude photos in a room, please clear it of any pictures of family members! That is unless your family member happens to be a famous movie star hunk du jour which won’t interfere with the festivities.
And I must protest with the letter holder in the hutch. Office desk organizational tools must not be used for decorating in the bedroom! Even that queen Christopher Lowell should know better than that!
Oh and as a side note to the dom in the scene, if you’re going to tie someone up with rope and take their pictures, please don’t use yellow rope. It just screams amateur! Just keep it simple with a regular every day rope, you know the plain beige or brown ones that you can get at any hardware store. Or if you prefer I am sure that there’s a whole slew of paraphenalia that you can choose from online!
I disagree, JDBruin, he is obviously a pre-menopausal accident, one of those cases where a mother of four or five grown children thinks that she’s starting the change only to find out she’s pregnant, and therefore, THIS is Mommy’s little miracle; they must be so proud.
As to the rope issue, isn’t plain white clothesline still the most versatile for ropeplay? It’s so much more flexible, no? I can’t believe we’ve hit 19 comments and noone has suggested what this sub’s safe word might be. My guess (based on the sheets, the era to which they belong and to the obvious theme here) is “Family Ties.”
Luddite & GS: Excellent points! And I’m concerned too that the unseen CAMERA-wielding accomplice couldn’t manage to take more than three shots without getting his friggin’ fingertip in one of them! I wouldn’t trust idiots like that to MAKE my bed let alone tie me up naked on it and whip me!
Meanwhile, GEO: “THIS is Mommy’s little miracle” EXACTLY right! And too funny!
P.S., Safe Word? “Broyhill.”
Most appropriate safety words: “Cracker Barrel” “Stratolounger” and “Palin.” I’ll bet this sub’s screen name is “LeSabre.”
Wow bobbyt, I am in awe. “LeSabre” – pure genius.
I just threw up a little.
You must be new here.
In your mouth or on the floor?
Oh my god, I fucked that guy.
“Oh my god, I fucked that guy.”
But the burning question is did Mummy and Daddy say anything?
BTW God bless this site for making me feel so much happier about my own home.
I wonder, Jon, if you have checked out “Mr. February” in past posts. If not, grab your smelling salts you dainty little thing, you’re in for a woozy.
Jimbo, you delight as always.
Safe Word: “Dilly Bar”
I think that this might be the worst ever. The decor just sucks the life out of the everything- It’s how aliens might decorate to appear to fit in. I’m sure there’s a paper shredder on the other side of the room.
The haircut is what my childhood neighbors from Arkansas used to call a Pig Shave. It’s what their boys got when they misbehaved. Apparently the haircut wasn’t enough in this situation. Someone got into the fried Okra before it made it to the dinner table….
Travis, is that you? Oh honey. I know crack’s one helluva drug, but you don’t have to sink to this. Go back to NA. Move out of Momma’s house. Text me sometime (no, I’m not holding. Yes, I’m still with Ryan). We’d like you to still be part of our lives.
You know you are a TRUE masochist when you go home and bring your S&M Master with you. I can hear Sir now: “That’s it boy! Tell Momma how sorry you are for having jacked off in your socks when you reached puberty, leaving her to wash them. For all these years she thought you were blowing your nose in them at night!” WHHHAAAAPPPPP!
oh honey, i’m not sure if the décor is a tribute to freud or to lacan, but it sure hits the oedipal spot.
But why is there a box of envelopes on the hutch?
Way to make mom and dad proud!!