Richard: Sex addiction isn’t pretty. It wastes time, energy, and perfectly good sperm. It strains personal relationships and stains the carpet. It forces sensible people to forgo things like cleaning, eating, and sleeping just so they can fire off another load of knuckle babies (or slick up the vegetables in the crisper, ladies).
“Well,” I hear you rationalizing, “I may masturbate six or seven times a day, but who doesn’t? My habits are totally normal.” And true, they may be. But I would encourage you to pause the next time you start to spread your legs at Cam4 and ask a few simple questions:
1. Is my computer workspace neat and orderly?
2. Is there an Underwood typewriter collecting dust somewhere in the room? That usually indicates that you fancy yourself a writer but have never gotten around to finishing that best-selling novel BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO BUSY BEATING OFF.
3. How many sex toys are there within arm’s reach? (Over two is cause for concern.)
4. How many old pizza boxes can you see? (If you’ve got more than one, you’ve got trouble right there in River City. You also have ants.)
5. Look closely and be very honest: is there any beef jerky nearby? A packet from the Starvin’ Marvin is worrisome, but a plastic container like the kind this dude
FYI, with a few modifications, this questionnaire can also be used to determine whether you’re addicted to eBay, Minesweeper, or World of Warcraft. Use it in good health.
Hat tip to Jerry for this riveting find.
File Under:Beyond Horrifying
31 Responses to 'A Lurid Digs Public Service Questionnaire: Are You A Sex Addict? …Well?'
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David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
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Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
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OMFG!!!! Trainwreck personified!
[Dang.]10
I’m sorry. This one has SO many issues she should come with her own subscription. I do like the Underwood typewriter though. It’s a cool retro/antique look. As for the rest of the room no reason to comment. I’m sure I will see all of it on the A&E series “Hoarders”.
Proof positive of the vital importance of a Nanny-Cam©.
The dartboard suggests several potential safety hazards if combined with any of the objects in the foreground. If he works from home (and hopefully does), escape from an OSHA violation may be possible.
I knew it looked familiar, and the dartboard PROVES it! It’s the gameroom at the back of the Little America Saloon in Darby, Montana, where they’re known for their friendlness, strong pours, and their new “Chris LaDouche 8 Seconds-’O-Wonder” bull-riding concession.
zomg, I want that old skool typewriter that’s on the desk behind him. delish! and it doesn’t belong in that motif!
Uh oh. Looks like Frank got all excited about his new design class…..Faux In the Home. I’m afraid he is going to be a little disappointed when the class starts and he finds the course a little dull for his desires.
I must say that as outstanding as this space appears, why oh why did they bring in the wood cabinets. These go with nothing and are an eyesore. All else seems on target.
The biggest offense I can see is the lack of nail polish to finish the look. Some things must be completed. Perhaps that mirror on the was a bit too inaccessible for a final makeup check before ChatRoulette was fired up.
Christ! Every time I go on chat roulette this is the cunt I see and now he’s here on my favorite site as well. I guess there’s nowhere safe left to go. What the fuck kind of office or workspace is this? There’s no way this is a private residence. Do you think this is some strange kind of “Harvey Girls” fetish??
You’ll never see THAT in the Ladies Home Journal.
well now we know whatever REALLY happened to baby jane.
Alas, those high hopes and aspirations for that home-based business running the Find-The-Cheapest-Car-Wash-In-YOUR-Area website, those same that seemed at the time to merit the purchase of the Stafford Collection Executive Home Office Suite in the pricey Black Walnut Finish, no less… seem to have foundered on the shoals of the worldwide financial collapse. And the discovery that there seems to exist at least four websites that allow one to extensively explore the most rococo of fetishes and sexual proclivities sure ain’t helpin’ none neither.
I blame the service economy for this miasma! The bedrock of American Business rests on offering tangible products for sale–made better, cheaper, and more useful. Had he stuck with his original idea about the loaves of pumpkin bread (pumpkin is one of Nature’s Perfect Foods!) we would be looking at a picture of a successful home baker in his gleaming kitchen offering coffee to the camera crew from the Food Network as they arrive for the shoot.
It’s a testament to how jaded I’ve become that I looked at this picture and thought, “Those glasses don’t really go with that outfit.”
Believe it or not, I actually know of workplaces where this sort of behavior could get you a stern reprimand.
I can’t see the decor of the room due to the 400 lb. gorilla.(I’m speaking metaphorically and not making a dig at the occupant. I wouldn’t know where to start.)
I can’t really see the ‘digs’ in this picture and the person in this picture is very disturbing.
This is my wet dream: a tv show combining porn addiction with hoarders!
I am fixated on the pizza boxes – he’s going for an all night jack-off with ample food supplies. What did the pizza boy say when this answers the door? Are those styrofoam boxes of chinese food on the above-right of the typewriter?
What is this location? Is this the office? the billard’s room? a baby’s room? He’s fortunate to find a desk high enough for those tree trunk legs.
I think he’s straight.
“Welcome to QVC Corporate Headquarters. This is Cindy Lou, one of our top customer service representatives. Cindy Lou likes pizza, snicker-doodles, cheese in a can, Quacker Factory headbands, Marie Osmond dolls, and getting fucked with a baby formula bottle in the nursery by his wife. Let’s go see what Frank in packaging is up to.”
I’ve worked with people with most of the various sex addictions but this is the first case where someone’s had the all – at the same time. (Are you sure that isn’t two people in one costume.)
Love how the food is carefully laid out – can of peanuts on the right, pickle jar just off on the left.
Whatever this is, I think it thinks it’s Kirsten Vangsness:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1494536/
who plays Penelope Garcia on CBS/ Touchstone Television’s “Criminal Minds.”
But about three or four Penelopes could fit inside the displacement of air this — being — creates. Also, Penelope does not, to my knowledge, have a penis. Do you know why that’s “not to my knowledge?” Because she never hauls out her genitalia at work.
Get back to your work for KinkyCosplayMaid-ChanAccountantAuthorsWithPeanutButterAndDiaperFetishes.ohyeah.thatdoesntexist.cum.
I love her. Oh you philistines. This is pure genius, can’t you tell the difference between unrestrained capitalism-addled crap consumption and visual poetry? (disclaimer: that’s a pic of my mom).
That’s one sex life you owe me, Lurid Digs.
Our laminated Goldilocks is dying to be the subject of a reality show and has sent her demo DVD to every show out there. She sent hundreds out in the hopes of accomplishing three things: To get some help with her hoarding, to become a reality star and to see if whoever IS interested could pick up a pizza on the way in? Extra cheese. No anchovies.
Four shows responded back: “Hoarders. Buried Alive.”, “What Not To Wear”, “True Life: I’m Addicted To Sex Toys” and “Kate Plus Eight.” All shows sent rejections but surprisingly, the first three shows sent the exact same form letter…
“Dear Miss,
I’m sorry, though your demo made us cry for all the wrong reasons, we are not interested at this time. We are only a one hour show.”
Stacy London from WNTW did add that however practical Latex clothing is, pink may not be the best color for her skin tone. Be it flesh or plastic.
Kate sent a “Thank You” note along with the rejection letter, explaining that she was desperate herself to get on another reality show and hadn’t though of this angle before watching Goldicock’s DVD.
Dash: ** Gold star for you!!! **
Brain bleach, please. Thank you.
Am I the only one to notice and comment on how well color-coordinated this environment truly is? The reds, pinks and flesh-toned accessories transport me to my little niece’s Barbie house. How innocent! How lovely!
has to be a breeder LOL
Wait a minute….Valley of The Blow-up Dolls meets Glinda the Good Witch from The Wizard of OZ….stick that up yer-ass and smell it!!! I want to give this interior the I-CAN’T-BELIEVE-THIS-IS-NOT BUTT-er Award. Once again, I would like to draw attention to the beautiful shade of red in this most interesting and alluring interior…..and for a tasteful picture that few of us will never, ever forget.
P.S. your room is ready in the insane assylum now sir…shall I have the bell-boy bring up your luggage?
Good God this chick is attempting to satisfy all fetishes at once.