Shawn: Like the fakey backdrop from the climax of Marnie, the background here is either terribly ill-advised or intentionally employed to grant a dissonant feel of unrealness to the proceedings. Only the director and the production designer know for sure, but I feel like it’s the latter. You could go with the expected hanging chains, cinder blocks, display of horse hair whips, and rape rack, but a well-scrubbed, antiseptic-white, and daylit Long Beach bungalow promises a more touristy, vanilla experience — great for a first time tryer. Instead of a Redheaded Slut laced with Special K, you can have a refreshing Fresca served on a glossy vinyl tablecloth. The red rubber dust lip around the potted palm fronds clearly conveys that the resident likes to compartmentalize his kink; trysts are for the bedroom, but stray dirt on the kitchen tiles will not be tolerated. Flower portraits — my amateur botanist is guessing these are either croci or frangipanis — are key bespeakers of the need for prettifying the impurities of real life and keeping the pesky neighbors off your trick trail.
File Under:Dining Room Don'ts
26 Responses to 'Keeping the Pesky Neighbors Off Your Trick Trail'
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David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
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The fact that someone threw their wet towel on the bathroom floor after a well deserved rape-shower would completely set me off. What do you think this is….A HOTEL? Just because there are deliveries in the rear….
Knight in black vinyl
in a hostel jejune
contemplates house plants
not intending to prune.
But I loved you.
Oh, how I loved you!
AAAUUUUGH! Trim the tree, trim the tree, for godssakes trim the tree!!! I agree with RedBackFur, when I read Shawn’s description of how no dirt is tolerated on the floor, all I could think was that there were wet, grungy towels strewn all over the floor. I can’t but think that there’s no partying going on in this space, but this is this gentleman’s ritual for going out on a weekend. The towels, the lotions etc. all over the bathroom cabinet, the coffee cup on the table, this is getting ready to party time. That has got to be the cheapest kink garment ever, it totally makes your ass look fat….sorry.
Holy Mother of Mary Tyler Moore, is that Ed Asner????
I believe when they sing the jingle “Hefty, Hefty, sinch sack” in the commercial that this is not the sack they meant.
I’m just wondering about the cord in front of the elephant’s right knee that goes to something in front of him. Somehow he managed to eclipse its identity. When taking a closer look at this wire I presumptuously assume that it is a phone cord. Which means the kink HAS spilled out into the Dining Salon. I shudder to think that he was actually having phone sex and was about spew his seed into the receiver when his Mom came home and caught her little sonny in the act, recording it on her Nokia, to be used as evidence at their next family counselling session. And those poor flowers on the wall. Can’t you just hear their screams?
P.S. Hey lover boy, put the vinyl cover back on the patio grill.
That gold vinyl tablecloth was folded within an inch of its life. No way those folds are coming out. I take it this is the first time our Lurid Digger has done some entertaining in a while. He had to pull that out of some storage area.
And someone brought him some fresh cut short stemmed roses. I surely hope they are not carnations. I wonder if it was Richard Gere and our Lurid Digger is impersonating Julia Roberts ala Pretty Woman in the thigh high vinyl boots. I expect a toothy laugh any minute.
@GS, I actually think that Shawn got it right about that “tablecloth” being vinyl. Just look at those creases in the corner. Also in my humble opinion, vinyl and tablecloth should not be used together in the same sentence even if it has a flannel backside. Therefore, that is why I’m calling it “tablecloth.”
Guys, I just cannot get over the presumably brand spanking (pardon the pun) new vinyl table covering replete with the folds just like the kind my mother insists on getting for her dining table. Ugh! Well, she didn’t get the decorating gene in our family. LOL.
What makes that dining room table look even worse is it’s oxymoronic messiness/orderliness. Look at those flowers place so lovingly on the table. Next, cast your gave on the wallet lying nearby and the cord which is probably leading to a cell phone indicating it could be laid on the table while it’s charging. Jarring isn’t??? Look further back, what is that soft green mound on the table? Is that a tee shirt that didn’t make it into the hamper? Speaking of hampers . . . Did anyone also espy that hamper on the left hand edge of the picture? My thoughts are this. The man in the picture was cleaning up the place and grabbing all the dirty laundry in the place before laundering them. He then was caught on film either by his buddy or lover.
To be quite honest, this picture hasn’t been as bad as some of the others that we have seen, but it could have been worse! LOL
@GEO…Not sure that mess of a potted palm can be trimmed, for it reeks of faux; possibly of the same vintage plasique as said model is sporting.
Oh, an that ass crevase darkening makes me gag a bit….but we aren’t supposed to comment on the menz. Ooops.
Is there some kind of wall hanging behind the potted palm? Kind of like bark or something? Anyone have any idea what kind of brilliant design idea is escaping us behind that plant?
i think the cord belongs to an electric pencil sharpener. i don’t wanna know the rest.
The interior. Whatever. I’m reeling because that is the largest exposed ass I have ever seen. Chad Hunt entering that would look like a woman. Sure, I’ve watched “What Not to Wear” and imagined the worst. I’ve been to the zoo. I’ve been to Gold’s Gym at lunch on a Wednesday. But never, ever, in half a century have I seen that. I need a moment.
This could be one of the lost audition tapes for WE’s “Sunset Daze”.
You know, I absolutely loathe tile flooring in anyplace but the bathroom, the laundry room and the mud room where its easy-to-clean practicality makes it an obvious choice but, given all the various and sundry detritus on display in this space, I’m willing to concede that perhaps the homeowner knows best, in this case.
And on a similar note, that had BETTER be a vinyl tablecloth on that table because it sure as Hell isn’t Lemon Pledge that he’s about to spray it down with!
Meanwhile, quite right, GEO: When your ficus is taller than you are, the time has come to prune. Although, in the plant’s defense, this room could probably use all the oxygen it can get.
Well, at least that wallet on the table is real leather. Isn’t it? ISN’T IT?!?!
The picture is of a Plumeria, one of the two flowers used to make Hawiian leis. The other flower would be the hibiscus. Please forgive any misspellings.
@GEO Ed Assner! Either him or MTM has really let herself go!
I believe the “bark” wallhanging, behind the Palm, is a Hawaiian artifact, note the 2 face mask just above his shoulders, hanging on the wall. Pair that with the picture of the Plumeria and I smell a theme going on in this room. Luau anyone???? Fortunately, I won’t be able to stick around for the serving of the Pu Pu Platter.
The palm isn’t really overgrown, it’s leaning on the wall cuz it has fallen asleep, bored with all the beige.
And though white tile wouldn’t be my first choice for covering the floor of an ENTIRE house, it does have a kinda clinical “The Doctor will see you now” feel to it, which I imagine is a recurring theme in this household. Having said that, with the tile, the vinyl tablecloth and even the outfit of our most gracious Doc – one common denominator runs through this photo: Easy Clean Up.
Whether it’s bathing, dining or dating – One quick lap around the place with a hose and a squeegee gets everything in the joint ready for the good Doctor’s next round of patients. Or, dinner’s next course. Makes every event in life so very practical. And shiny.
The above comment about the squeegee… made by Dash. Forgot I changed emails since earlier posts.
No anonymity here. I mean, no fake-name anonymity here. I am proud of my fake-name-ness and my warped-ness and will spew them both from the mountain tops! Then, I’ll borrow the hose and the squeegee from this guy and clean up my mess until next time.
Wait.
Fresh cut flowers.
As far as I’m concerned, all is forgiven.
And only those writing who grace their own homes with fresh cut flowers may cast stones on the other aspects of the room.
@Drew in Palm Springs,
Perhaps, yes, fresh cut flowers, but then again, notice that one rose on the right side of the vase desperately trying to escape of the luridness of the room.
I think that rose is responding to last night’s burrito dinner.
Extra points to Daffyd for originality. The numerous nicks in the formica table top from games of mumblety peg were causing too many questions. The simple solution: Re-purpose the shower curtain as a tablecloth.
Now, just one more application of nads before the outing to Little Beach…
plumeria = hawaiian word for frangipani.
that’s not a ficus.
@redbackfur are you suggesting he bleach his ass-crack to remove the “darkening?”
i honestly DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM SEEING in this most interesting picture….black glossy fabric….a crack that refuses to end….a tumor between his legs with a dog collar around it??.. botanical print….live plants….no window coverings on a bathroom window?….oh, the pain and suffering….proof yet again that GOD does NOT exist.