Richard: It was a cold and rainy afternoon in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, but the Society for Creative Anachronism (Asheville Chapter) weren’t about to let a little late-spring drizzle put a damper on their weekly weaponry drill. It’s a good thing, too: otherwise, Terence and Claude would never have met on the jousting field set up in Nadine Wooten‘s backyard. That night, they held another duel in private.
When Claude’s mother, Clarabelle, suddenly passed a year later, it was a shock to all — not least the SCA, since she was their reigning marchioness. But such things played out as they always do: new royalty was chosen, Terence and Claude moved into Clarice’s mountainside bungalow, and the Buncombe County Renaissance Faire went on as scheduled, but minus its star zitherist.
As a tribute to Clarabelle, Claude hung her coronation portrait (no crown because, you know, the hair) over the escritoire in the living room, and Terence reupholstered all the chairs in the house with remnants from Clarabelle’s collection of souvenir duvets, on “permanent loan” from the finest Ramada Inns across the Deep South.
Sadly, the fantasy ended one year later, when Terence came home to find that Claude had purchased a red leather sofa. Obviously, a line has to be drawn somewhere.
David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.
Shawn Baker is the Executive-Editor of Nightcharm and hails from New York. He is a member of its young underclass, a little bit Ann Darrow, a little bit Travis Bickle.
Richard writes the infamous queer blog Sturtle.com . His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.
Eric B. does not Facebook, Tweet or blog. He uses the internet to cruise for sex, like god intended. He has leopard print in every room of his house, save one. And he does not apologize.
Heather Corinna is the undisputed diva of online erotica for chicks. She publishes Scarleteen.com and is a sex guru to thousands of teenagers.
Sean Horlor is happy to no longer be using his judgmental prowess for the forces of darkness. He co-hosts a comedy lifestyle reality TV series called Don't Quit Your Gay Job and runs Up Your Alley.
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Title me needle point and bondage. I love the matching wood tones and leather gear but how many photos are needed for a pseudo audience? I never was into hanging commemorative plates on the back wall – it’s tacky!
Great photo!
Joel
I wonder how they ever chose a chrome trash can for the kitchen?
Is the gallery lighting so that their esteemed grandmother can see them and roll in her grave?
I’ve got nothing to say other than I’ve been in houses like that. Well, minus the Bondage Twins.
FINALLY! “Mad Magazine” has updated their Spy vs. Spy serial. Although, the one on the right with the boots could be the world’s blandest Mexican Wrestler. What, no embonpoint on the jeans? Say what you will about the decor, this room deserves a better floor covering. A nice wool rug in an English cottage style or a more formal rug like an Axminster, perhaps.
Absolutely! And since the wainscoting isn’t bad I’m quite sure there’s hardwood floors under the wall-to-wall. What has to go is that magazine rack. Everyone had them in the 50′s, a project any boy could make in shop class, dusty magazines sagging into them. I find them depressing. I’d ditch that precious little footstool too, (made in the Stool Capitol of the World?*) although considering the residents it will probably soon disappear up someone’s ass. Ahhh, prolapse!
Yeah, that magazine rack was annoying me too. It shouldn’t be so exposed. It should be against the wall, against the chimney, or better yet, IN the fireplace. Used for kindling. The houses like this I’ve been in did not have portraits of the Dowager Empress on the wall. And the footstool should be used for Ultimate Frisbee.
Can’t get past the Black boots along with Brown & Buckskin leather. Cabin life doesn’t get any more mismatched than that.
There is a lot I like about this room. I love the doors, the fireplace, the painting of the old lady. Not a fan of the little pillows or chairs. But I can see myself on that couch in front of the fireplace. Take most of the clutter away and it looks like a grand room. But I can’t see this room in Pigeon Forge. If it were in Pigeon Forge there would be a lot more ‘country craft’ things like quilts, scarecrows made of hay, paintings of eagles in flight over the Smokies, and maybe a small Dollywood item like a “Bless this Mess’ painting. Speaking as someone who loves Pigeon Forge, Sevierville, Kodak, and all points between Gatlinburg and Asheville, I would be in heaven if I could return to this room after a day of shopping on the Parkway.
You know, I’m a real estate agent, and I’ve been in a lot of homes like these… I would guess this is probably a 70′s,80′s traditional remodel. I would guess the owners have occupied this home for quite some time. Obviously the surface updating was done back in the late 80s when ceramic tile and berber-esque carpet was in style. The metal looking floor trim piece from the tile kitchen to the family room carpet bothers me, and so does the combination of the brickwork and what looks like to be a recently updated mantle. I’m not sure though….The trim work is nice, but the green paint needs to go….I’d go with a neutral white paint and call this colonial traditional. Obvious from the views from the french doors onto the deck/patio, this home is set in a nice green space, and this room would be perfect for entertaining before moving onto the patio for cocktails. I would suggest a lot of decluttering, get rid of the family photos, etc. The crown molding, albeit very nice, throws my line sight and makes me want to call this room a little tired. This room could benefit from some professional staging and refreshing. I’d also might suggest removing the wall from the family room into the kitchen to really open up the space.
johnathan adler & simon fuller hoped everyone would think their christmas card picture was a joke, but i knew the truth. don’t ask me how. someday the nightmares will stop.
When crash dummies retire. The plaid thing under Tan Dummy’s chair? WTF? Thinking foot stool? Hoping it’s not a fashionable bed pan. Hoping it is a fashionable hat!
how does one buff all that woodwork with no free hands ?
….. oh, THAT woodwork. never mind.
Who is Clarise? Is one of those guys Hannibal Lecter?
Talk about awkward! How can our genial hosts hug us and say hello when they are “differently abled”? What would Miss Manners say?
A few comments: Joel hit right off with the title “needlepoint and bondage”. What a great name for someone’s biography!
Nana’s portrait is cool; too bad they painted her as if she is very constipated. Plus they turned her beloved parlor into a playroom! Nothing says heavy S&M like your grandmother’s living room.
The red couch is not a deal breaker for me. But I really, really HATE that footstool. I would take the fireplace shovel and make kindling of it right away. Hulk smash!
Oh, come on guys. Isn’t this obvious? Jay and his partner came by to try on the new outfits Jay’s mom, Irene, put together for them. Of course she had to have a picture…you’ve got your kid’s prom pictures, Irene has hers.
There is nothing particularly wrong with the decor. Perhaps a little “clutter” here and there. Perhaps the wrong green for the walls. I’ve had that carpet. It is impossible to clean. Good for you, Irene, for keeping it clean. And, boys, that isn’t a ‘red’ sofa anymore than those are ‘red’ bricks. The only thing shocking about this room is the story behind the portrait. But it is meant to be a place to relax. Irene…..great try, hun.
apparently, dressing in drag is a long standing family tradition. granny dressed as a queen (is that ermine she’s wearing) and the queens dress as grandma’s handbaga — none of which proves to be very attractive additions to the decor. put the painting in the attic and the purses in the closet, then toss some of the clutter and the room isn’t really half bad.
The new waitstaff uniforms arrive at “Ye Olde Dungeon Cakehoufe” on Route 10
Good food – service is notoriously slow
bobbyt, we have that here. It’s called Waffle House and the waitstaff should be required to wear some sort of mask. Also, the food’s not that good.
It’s the local chapter meeting of the Tea Bag Party in 2020 when President Palin has been elevated to Empress and having an oil painting of her on your wall is de rigueur.
The chapter chairman is late for the meeting, that’s his little chair next to the fire place and is a little person.
I dunno, if I had to live with that room I’d wind up in a straight-jacket, too.
I’m taking a stand. I love the magazine rack. The crossed arms say “I challenge you to love me”. These are good boys, but they’ve experienced hurt. I want to hug them and say… antiques aren’t love.
Obviously, Lady Iris’ callow, young nephews made some tarty comments with regard to her tastefully appointed sitting room and are suffering the customary penalty, as well they ought. This is, after all, how truly good breeding is instilled.
However, in their defense, she MIGHT want to re-think that desk lamp. I’m just saying…
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How did they BOTH end up in straight jackets at the same time? and How are they gonna get them off?
You know, if you kinda squint and tilt your head this looks like a threesome — the matron in the oil portrait appears done up for “fun” too. Sweet how they are all lined up and ready to go. Although to where I really don’t care to know. I feel as though we’ve seen far too much already. I am, however, MAD for the specialty “little people” rim-chair casually placed hearthside.