Richard: If we have to slog through yet another 1970s revival, can we please do it the right way this time? The decade of Bowie and disco got a bad rap because some people went a little craftacular in their home decor — like, all-Etsy, all-the-time. But there was a flip-side to that, a stunningly simple, clean, 70s aesthetic. Think of the work of Richard Serra or that killer home in Zabriskie Point (which is technically late 60s, but shut up). Point is: not everyone was down with the macrame.
The good news is that there’s hope for this rumpus-room-cum-Barbie’s-Karaoke-Dream-Studio. For starters, that wallpaper is fanfuckingtastic. Take down those poorly framed (or worse: unframed) family portraits, put the least-awkward ones on a tastefully appointed sofa table, and dump the rest where they belong: in a shoebox in the closet, along with that Styx ticket stub. Then poke around in the attic, find the extra roll of wallpaper grandma bought, and patch those nail holes. Leave the light fixture. Don’t TOUCH the goddamn light fixture, asshole.
The rest is just a matter of cleaning. Open the front door and toss out those Thanksgiving tchotchkes, and the stuffed monkey, and the Steelers fleece, and those encyclopedias (or mineralogy guides or whatever the fuck they are), and everything else in the room, including those cheapass cabinet speakers. Then hold a yard sale, and use the proceeds to buy some new, unstained carpet. When you’re done, I don’t want to see anything down here but a TV and that painted saw. (Hang it over the doorway, just to make people nervous. Well, more nervous.)
File Under:Living Room Wreckage
31 Responses to 'Frumpus-Room-Cum-Barbie’s-Karaoke-Dream-Studio'
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Richard, I agree with everything you’ve said here except one thing: Keep the Monkey. Look at the bottom (And I do mean bottom in every sense on the word….) picture. Hasn’t Monkey been through enough already?
Brown Gardens…
no, i’m pretty sure that the wallpaper has to go. so does the grasscloth and the carpeting.
strip everything down to the shell so that the kitsch can be properly displayed with its invisible quotation marks clearly displayed.
rock & roll belongs in the rumpus room, not the parlor.
At the floor level of the wall with the nautical wallpaper, the molding suggests the beginnings of a stairwell. If this observation is correct, the wallpaper most likely follows all the way up to the next level in the building where this picture was shot. Assuming the wallpaper is used on as many as three wall surfaces, that’s a whole lot of ships. I’m absolutely mad about seafaring, but I can’t help thinking that seeing that many ships crowded together on a regular basis might tend to lead to bouts of melancholy. Perhaps, then, the performance depicted here is a threnody, a song of insoluble conflicts ending in an anonymous, watery burial.
These remarks aside, I think a mancave, to be a true sanctuary, has to be a mess, so the suggestion that the inhabitant should clean things up is tantamount to wishing for a very dull internal life. In the end, would that really be an improvement?
Whoa, possibly the BEST photo ever on LD. This will take a while for me to process, fortunately this is LD so I’ll have plenty of time before they post something new
I know; I totally cannot believe Richard is in favor of this wallpaper, either. It’s certainly not deliberate; it’s probably been there since the 70′s. If it weren’t for the television and the FedEx coffee cup I’d be convinced this picture was taken in the late 70′s. No, scratch that, I’m pretty sure there was no such thing as a bear community then (as per the tats). But where today do you see a microphone with a cable? Seriously! I don’t care about the monkey. If you’re gonna call it a man-cave, the first thing that should go are those tacky Thanksgiving figures. He might have a Doors poster up on the wall, but who else guesses he’s singing Karen Carpenter or Barry Manilow? My guess is “Mandy”.
…..no bear community in the ’70s? did you never watch ‘grizzly adams’?
i think he’s keening.
OK. Here we go….
1/ The sailboat wallpaper in the stair hall is making me seasick.
2/ Not wild about the bead board panelling either. Least not on the whole wall. Bead board should only be used in conjunction with a chair rail which should match the door moulding (which is this room’s only saving grace.).
3/ Unless you never want to see last night’s trick again, CLEAN the place. Nothing scares off a potential mate faster than a messy Bear Den.
4/ Thanksgiving is over…. lose the turkey decorations (pic 2) and while you’re at it, the Steelers security blanky.
5/ I could go on and on and on, but I won’t.
The perils of having your cruise-for-gay-sex-online photo taken during Drunk Naked Karaoke Night while you’re trying to do your GG Allin impression…
As the resident design liberal, I have to be true to form and go there: there is just something HOT about a 14 year old boy in his 40′s.
@ bobbyt – Brown Gardens…! …the other delivery boy little edie snared…
I’d title this room, “The inner secrets of a true Steelers fan”.
Just seeing that Pittsburgh Steelers rag draped over the back of the chair tells me that his values must be just as low as his sense of decorating. (Go Browns!) The rest of the room/hall/inner sanctum reminds me of one of those puzzles where you have to fing the hidden objects. QUICK!!!: Find a.)the Welcome sign b.) Two Turkeys c.) the Sears plastic shopping bag d.) the wall-mounted Candle holder e.) a pair of black Tennis Shoes f.) a picture of someone standing in a red-striped shirt g.) a rectangular Mirror h.) the FedEX coffee mug i.) an Oval portrait j.) a Bear Paw k.) a clock and finally, l.) someone in excruciating pain! (Contest is void in all non-cyrillic alphabet countries)
Wallpaper recovered from a 1960s boys’ bedroom, “welcome” sign made from an old scrabble set, random turkey decorations, Terrible Towel (in this case Terrible Cumrag? Terrible Buttcoaster?), randomly discarded plastic shop bags, Halloween decoration in the doorway…
Sadly, all that and the monkey too, is not enough to distract me from obsessively wondering whether the model’s glans is suffering from gangrene.
that’s a welcome sign? i thought it was the Seven Wonders collectible thimble set.
are we in a basement? the pocket doors suggest that this was once a dining room.
Doors concert poster on the wall, Doors album on the floor. THE 1967 classic. I know which track he is singing from that album. ‘Back Door Man’. Based upon the stuffed monkey’s view, he could be singing “Shock the Monkey”, but something tells me it has seen worse.
Apparently he is a member of the previous posting’s family. That colonial maple chair is a dead giveaway. Now we know where all the decor in the house has gone.
Think of it more as the Saw of Damocles.
It’s bad enough that in the second picture the monkey is seeing that which can not bee unseen. But WTF is up with the quarter or nickle that is covering the head of the penis in the first photo? I’m with Richard, the tall ship wallpaper is awesome! It’s a boy’s bedroom wallpaper circa 1975, and those of us over 40 feel young again!
I’m afraid Grandma’s dessicated corpse might be sat up in that rocker under the Steelers blanket.
Thanksgiving? More like THANKS for getting the fuck out of there.
Waiting for a new pic on LD is like waiting for the latest version of Android to be available on your 9 month old cell phone. I’m sorry but it’s true.
Patience, Eric, it’s only been ten days. Why not fill your time jumping on your bed, wallpapering your room with beefcake, singing naked karaoke or find a new use for your fire extinguisher? Although I do agree that even though it’s not the average wait between pics, LD should post something a little more Christmas-y or Chanukka-ish for the holidays. Merry Christmas, Lurid Digs.
Thank you Anonymous for putting it in perspective. I will definitely act on all your suggestions. But if the fire extinguisher gets lost forever, and my entire household perishes… no wait, no, stop, must no go to the negative side. Happy holidays LD, you DO deserve a break, sorry to be such a bitch
I’ve looked and looked…it’s not a fung Shui mirror over the archway…it’s a…lion?
@Wester: It’s a chipmunk
It so reminds me of seeing Barbara Cook at The Oak Room.
I do have to say, props for putting the sneakers away neatly under the hallway table.
Well, he does have a beautiful blue eye. Or is that a contact?
blue eye? i bet the stuffed animal swears it’s brown.
………..may we PLEASE have a new room now?
lord. i can smell the desperation & strains of The Carpenter’s, “Close to You” from here.