Steve: Magor recently wrote us about the feelings he was having toward his dark, gloomy bathroom, and the way it might be feeding into his Seasonal Affective Disorder. He worried, “I don’t like going in there as much as I feel like I should. There’s no sunlight at all, and I’m the kind of man who needs a lot of affirmation and positivity. I’m just not happy in there.”

We suggested this cheerful curtain to brighten up Magor’s private “me time.”

Two weeks later, we received this affirmation, “Hey. Yeah, this is helping me. My heart is warmer and I think starting my days in my new, sunnier shower is helping the tone of my interactions all day long. At nights, after the gym, I get home and it reminds me of the possibilities for tomorrow.”

David: God, those DeMille curtains again. If this is what goes down in their bathroom, imagine the rest of the house. These are the sorta folks who have those gigantic, 3-foot-long, teak fork and knife “art” pieces hanging on their kitchen wall. And their couch, in the living room, is actually the 20-square-feet equivalent of a baby’s play pen — (upholstered in navy blue velour). Lemme outa here.

Richard: Okay, so two problems: (a) Mary’s thong, (b) Mary’s inability to coordinate his pastel undergarments and hand towels into his very bold, patriotic bathroom color scheme. She is so fired.

John: I blame Broadway. I blame showtunes. And given the patriotic theme, I blame ice shows. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting my ass! Start the balloon drop.

We knew drama queens were always creating tedious little “scenes” for themselves; we just didn’t know they were tedious little set designers as well. I’m sure the raised toilet seat means something. Never show a gun in Act One that you’re not going to use by Act Three.