Your Kindness keeps us Mean!

Design Experts

Richard writes the infamous queer blog His turn-ons include wainscoting, ZZ Top, and sharp-dressed men. Turn-offs: sectionals, pleated trousers, and pina coladas.

David K. publishes Nightcharm, the only gay porn site ever to be featured on Oprah and regularly compared to Martha Stewart Living.

Eric B. does not Facebook, Tweet or blog. He uses the internet to cruise for sex, like god intended. He has leopard print in every room of his house, save one. And he does not apologize

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David: Missing drawers, missing photos, missing hangers, missing plastic seat covers (for when you're self-sucking yourself into a frenzy and get too much of a mouthful and then, well -- I mean, spillage! -- come on!)

Because nearly 80 percent of the submissions we receive here at LD are snatched from hook-up site profiles we're continually forced to offer commentaries that act as utilitarian Queer Culture PSAs. We don't mind providing this service, although it gets to be tedious regarding frequency. I mean, the one faux pas we see repeatedly? Family photos in the background of the interiors. Or in this case, the room denizen's own baby photo which creates a creepy Lynchian contrast when placed in the vicinity of his uroboric shenanigans.

So, rule number one: All family photos go into a drawer (well, a slot in this case. As mentioned above the drawer's gone missing).

A quick closing note: Pink is never a good wall color for a man's bedroom. Ever. Especially when coupled with white dresser and closet doors that feature that faux French colonial vibe. It all harkens back to Patty's cousin Cathy's bedroom, from the old (very old now) Patty Duke Show. To borrow from that show's theme song it can "make you can lose your mind." And we kinda have on this interior. We're logging off now -- before this guy's next Chaturbate session begins.


Patty and Kathy were cousins

Charles remarks:

Identical cousins and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike

Tue, 06/27/2017 - 15:36

Are you *positive* that's

Anonymous (not verified) remarks:

Are you *positive* that's self-sucking? Just as likely, that is 69 with half the participants existing in another dimension.

Wed, 06/28/2017 - 18:36

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David: One of America's finest novelists, Don DeLillo once noted: “Before pop art, there was such a thing as bad taste. Now there's kitsch, schlock, camp, and porn.” We've a sneaking suspicion that Mr. DeLillo might have found inspiration for his quote after appraising the discomfiting color and texture collision of this particular closet-into-a-room conversion. (It's nice to know that DeLillo is a fan of the site -- though how he got privy to our collection of unpublished contenders on our computers is a mystery. Damn Russians -- they are trawling everwhere nowadays!)

Like the occupant of this room, we too would avoid, whenever possible, sitting (sinking?) into the maneating love seat and matching chair ensemble. Unless of course, we were participating in a Keep the USA Green campaign -- but even then the dull, dank Phthalocyanine Green fabric (?) bestows a toxic or mold-like vibe that does little to convey a clean, sprightly American environment. So nix that idea.

So, yes, best stand on the furniture and then leap or tumble-roll out of the room once you've completed your selfie-snapping in this unsafe space. Sometimes, regarding a space or a place -- once is enough. And we concur.


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David: In a back office of the popular TLC show Hoarding: Buried Alive, camera men and crew members share private horror tales of the various off-camera discoveries that haunt their sleep at night. These never-featured highlights now reside somewhere within the digital detrius of the computer's vid editing software.

Lucky for us (and you) the following pic was snapped and submitted to our staff at Lurid Digs by a sly TLC intern who was trawling around the officially declared disaster area of this Alabama home.

Apparently, this closet space was utilized by a variety of family member (within a brood of 9 siblings -- all male and all over the age of consent) to snap numerous selfies and dick shots to submit to fans on tumblr and sundry hookup apps.

Per our usual guidelines for amateur self-portrait-takers, we'd like to recommend a simple sheet or blanket to conceal Mammy Yokum's collection of cookware that somehow made its way from Civil War days to this particular moment of 15-minute fame whoring. And maybe just go ahead and lug all the trash on the lower shelf out to the trash, it couldn't hurt as far as general ambiance and atmosphere are concerned.

Also, go ahead and live dangerously and remove the piece of plywood that's attempting to mimic a chair's back. And then go hog wild and rip down dad's old spreadsheet from 1982 too.

It's little tweaking like this that can place the viewer's eye smack dab on the goods being advertised -- a win-win situation for everyone involved.


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Eric: With his last breath, our fairy godfather Oscar Wilde lifted his head off the pillow in his shitty apartment, took a look around and declared "Either that wallpaper goes or I do."

I totally understand. I could never get naked, much less dead, in a room where the walls look like embroidery, be it gros point, counted cross-stitch, turkey work, candle wicking, or whatever.
It's an easy fix -- primer, neutral textured paint, and you're done.

There's some decent wood here. The chair rail, for instance, and the cabinet hiding the porn station. The calculator, remotes and phone charger should live there as well. I see a provocative glimpse of a big, beefy seat. I'm usually in favor of such things, but a club chair is just too big for this space. A slipper or boudoir-sized option would be much better.

You all know that I'm an unpaid international ambassador for skeet blankets and animal prints, but this mess is just too big in both size and scale. I recommend a Snuggie. In leopard, of course.

Love the frame, but I'm not a fan of the duct tape matte on the 'artwork.' I do wonder about the map itself. To where does it lead, the landfill? Anywhere would be fine as long as it takes me away from this godforsaken granny bedsit hellhole before I die.


Love the dude

Ted remarks:

Who cares about his room, the guy is superhot with a massive hotdawg!

Sat, 05/20/2017 - 21:22


mans remarks:

The guy in this pic is totally trolling you. The arrangement looks just like the illustrated guy in one of the advertisements on your own site:

Sun, 05/21/2017 - 02:04

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David: Psychologically speaking, the owner of this home is a genuine head trip. Survey his bedroom and you immediately comprehend what's going on with his come-hither-but-get-the-fuck-away-from-me attitude. It's all one big YES/NO cluster fuck (you!)

Examples: The particle board bed, (sporting 200 thread count sheets from the local thrift store) seems to beckon, but then upon closer inspection looks as though the slightest ass-pressure would collapse it in a trice.

The red Ikea chair seems to be inviting, but, hmmmmm, never mind -- Angry Boy's kashmiri shawl -- that his mom got for a steal in Bombay -- is making you hesitant. Too! What's that smell? The aftereffects of mom's M by Mariah Carey is way too cloying. Ew! -- that synthetic baby powder scent.

The lone item in this room that dares engage us with any vitality is the little vine plant that is struggling valiantly to make its way out of the room -- and who can blame it? Run free little greeny, before you're stuffed into a terrarium and placed in a closet.

We do like the postcards and what look to be pencil drawings hung randomly on the wall -- this lends the room a bit of bohemian chic. Though if you're asked to come up and see his 'etchings' -- wisely decline. You'd be tossed to the curb as soon as the cum rag hit the floor.


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